Square One, More or Less

It must have been about three or four weeks ago. I was driving to work and I just started to cry and thank God and thank God and thank God! It was the first time in a long while when it felt like things are working out; that light at the end of a long tunnel is brighter. I couldn't have been more grateful, happy and overwhelmed with joy.


And then today I'm driving to work and I start to cry. Only this time it was the crushing feeling of defeat. Everyone and I mean everyone; his teachers, aides, therapists, Tom and I, friends and family we've all played a part in helping Carter get to where he is and just like that he regressed. There are so many words and yet not enough words to describe how I feel. Today I feel crushed. I think that tomorrow I'll be lifted up and get a game plan on getting my boy back on the straight and narrow. Then I'm reminded there never really will be any straight and narrow for him if I'm being honest with myself. There is no clear cut path; there is no quick fix. This is going to be long and hard and it's okay to cry.


The short of it:

Carter has reverted back to how he was behaving in the beginning of the school year. He's unable to sit and focus on a task. He's become very chatty. His teachers are still not able to understand all of the words he says. He's playing too rough. He's sucking/chewing on clothing (this is new).  And so on.

Does he need counseling? Does he need his Aide back? Should he be on medicine? Who's to say, but I hope that tomorrow will bring my mind clarity on what to do next.