behavior modification...for everyone

We had our second visit today with the behavior clinic at our local children's hospital. It was a good visit and we received a lot of tips and advice on what to do with Carter. She refers to him as a more "spirited" child and because of this Tom and I need to modify the way that we parent. Once we modify the way be parent we should then see the effects the change has on Carter. Somethings she said we are currently doing so no change is needed. Other things we need to do that we are not currently doing. I'm a little anxious about the whole process but more so to see if this helps with the oppositional behavior.

Things we'll be working on:

• Praising quiet play and telling him "Carter thank you so much for playing quietly, you're doing such a good job rolling your truck." This will affirm his behavior when he's behaving well and also help him with his speech/development to show him you're rolling a truck.Which also means quiet time is no longer time for washing dishes or throwing a load of laundry in. We will need to be near him, watching what he is doing and praising the quiet, good behavior.
• Ignoring bad behavior. For instance if Carter is rolling a truck you praise him for doing a good job but if he then begins to bang his truck into the wall you ignore him. When he plays nicely again you then praise him for doing a good job.
• Forcing him to work through his anxiety. When he doesn't want to go to the bathroom because it is "yucky" we force him to sit on the toilet any ways. This was one we currently do but can also be applied to other compulsive behavior. He has a tendency to do things in a certain way and she said that we should encourage him to get out of those behaviors as well. For example he puts all of his cars away and then puts the animal toys away last. We need to help him to push through having things in a certain order.
• Avoid using "no, don't, stop, behave, gentle" words. Instead if he's touching things you tell him to put his hands in his pockets or in his lap. This way you are giving him a specific direction to take instead of telling him he can't do something.
• No yelling, this one is obvious but is sometimes hard to achieve.
• Work on timeouts taking place on a chair or special spot as opposed to sending him to his room.
• Don't phrase things as a question but as a command. Instead of saying things like: "I think, we should, lets" you would say: "It is time to clean up" and then follow it with a certain task, "put the blocks in the bucket."
• Never give more than one command at a time as that will cause confusion and don't give too many commands so that he feels like he is constantly being corrected.
• Never use complex words that he will not understand, simple, short words are best.
• Be consistent.

I think this will be good. While some of these behavior changes are obvious, unless you hear it from someone you may not notice that the way you are phrasing your words can be an issue.

If this doesn't help and we are still receiving a lot of opposition we will be venturing down a different path.

To be continued next Friday...