Just Keep Swimming...

The house is sold and I have to constantly remind myself not just run to the heartland right this very second. We are a lot closer in the quest to move West, woo-hoo! I had the kind of day at work in which I tell myself this is the last straw but then there's always another day, I suppose. Originally Tom and I had worked out that we were going to have the kids stay in school one more year while we pay off/down debts. Today has me feeling more like I will use the kid's tuition money to rent and gas up the U-Haul and get the heck on out of here. My sensible side tells me that sounds insane and the other side of me is saying that's the greatest idea I've had all year. I can report that finding jobs in the boot heel is easier said then done; there appears to be nothing out there. So...I might have to transfer to Springfield, MO or Overland Park, KS (if they want me) and hope Tom can find a job?!?!?

Additional lessons learned for today: don't ask your parents advice on moving. This will turn into a guilt trip and may involve tears.

Square One, More or Less

It must have been about three or four weeks ago. I was driving to work and I just started to cry and thank God and thank God and thank God! It was the first time in a long while when it felt like things are working out; that light at the end of a long tunnel is brighter. I couldn't have been more grateful, happy and overwhelmed with joy.


And then today I'm driving to work and I start to cry. Only this time it was the crushing feeling of defeat. Everyone and I mean everyone; his teachers, aides, therapists, Tom and I, friends and family we've all played a part in helping Carter get to where he is and just like that he regressed. There are so many words and yet not enough words to describe how I feel. Today I feel crushed. I think that tomorrow I'll be lifted up and get a game plan on getting my boy back on the straight and narrow. Then I'm reminded there never really will be any straight and narrow for him if I'm being honest with myself. There is no clear cut path; there is no quick fix. This is going to be long and hard and it's okay to cry.


The short of it:

Carter has reverted back to how he was behaving in the beginning of the school year. He's unable to sit and focus on a task. He's become very chatty. His teachers are still not able to understand all of the words he says. He's playing too rough. He's sucking/chewing on clothing (this is new).  And so on.

Does he need counseling? Does he need his Aide back? Should he be on medicine? Who's to say, but I hope that tomorrow will bring my mind clarity on what to do next. 

dog and pony show

It struck me two days ago as I do my sometimes-frequent run down on why I hate working, while driving to said work that: I don't want to work anymore. Period. End-of-Sentence. Insert hilarious laughter here as that ain't gonna happen...but maybe it could?

Let's take a moment to plan the future shall we? What if Tom does get a job at GM in Wentzville which my Mama is currently working towards? What if we sell our house here in Delaware and buy a much less expensive property in Missouri? What if said property has a horse barn? What if I buy two Shetland ponies and start my own business providing hand led pony rides for special events like children's birthday parties? And maybe start breeding Collies? Is this complete crazy talk and I'm hitting a quarter life crisis?

Back in reality-land...whose to say what my future holds but I'm really good with animals and always have been.  Shouldn't I be using one of the talents God has given me? I threw this plan out to Tom and he responded via text with an "I see." I think that may be husband code for no?!?! Then I texted Mom the idea and she replied via text "Check the insurance on that. It would be fun." I think this may be code for my daughter's lost her mind. Then I finally talked to my Dad about it over dinner and being his typical voice of doom..."You're luck, somebody would sue you." Then he listed about five other scenarios of doom and pretty much poo-pooed the idea. I see a lot of research in my future.


I then suggested that maybe I could:

1. Start breeding show dogs
2. Open my own petting zoo
3. Build an aviary in said imaginary barn and breed birds again
4. Open a horse trail/four wheeler trail on imaginary Missouri property and charge admission
5. Rent horse stalls out in the imaginary barn

Yes, No, Maybe So? Anybody have any other ideas?

That's Life

Ah, life as a nearly single parent while taking care of your 85 year old grandmother. It the bees-knees for sure I promise you. It's so funny how life's timing has played out since I've been living with the 'rents. Mom takes off for Missouri to work for two months or as I've called it from the beginning she'll be there two years, ha! Dad has been gone for two weeks to Massachusetts with the exception of Saturday and Sunday. Tom has been put on a dumb schedule (2nd shift) of 10 days on and 4 days off which makes the 10 days on feel like a very long time. Needless to say I haven't made much progress with the house, this is my number one priority this weekend.

Carter has been doing SO good in school. He's super excited about it and loves to go everyday. I'm pretty sure if I let him live there he would. Today in school from what I could gather from my father in law and Carter someone hit him or did something to him. I couldn't get a clear story as it seemed to keep changing and I can't always understand Carter's words. None the less he doesn't seem to be phased by it which is good, kids are kids. He has a special education aide on Monday and Friday and a speech therapist on Wednesday to help him out. Both ladies always give me good reports so hopefully he continues to have a good year.

Hannah discovered yesterday that she's "different." It was so funny to watch her tell me how she's the only girl (in her class of all girls) that uses her left hand. Thankfully Amelia is also a lefty so I shared with her that Amelia uses her left hand as does Aunt Karly and Aunt Emily. A short list of folks that I know, but it seemed to make her feel better. She's been working on vowels and "blends" (ta, bu, mi) in school...the first couple days were rough. Today was a little better so hopefully our nightly review combined with her daily school work will make it easier on her and she'll be reading in no time!

Miss Amelia Bedelia...also known as mean baby or monkey do. She is the funniest, most hard headed-ornery butt. Copies EVERYTHING Carter does, EVERYTHING. She talks up a storm and is very clear with her words. If you aren't paying enough attention to her, she'll hit you or someone to get said attention. For the most part she's stopped hitting her immediate family but will gladly wallop her cousins or a child in nursery. She does all of her hitting and not listening with the sweetest smile which makes it almost comical to watch. We're definitely in the terrible two's with my little chickie...hopefully it passes quickly.

Granny, my adopted child, is hilarious. Week one she was messing with her medicine and overdosed. Week two she took too little. Week three she had a prescription refill and she couldn't understand why the doctor called her in new medicine. Me and my mom both tried to tell her on different occasions that it was just a refill of what she already had. Hopefully it clicked. Granny has a tendency to follow Tom and I around the house. If we are in the living room or kitchen she comes out and stares at us or stands in the way in which we're trying to walk. At first I thought maybe she didn't trust us and felt the need to watch us. But I've now decided that she just may want some company or to see if she can help with the kids or whatever is going on. She can't really do much but she still has the desire to do everything that she used to do.

My favorite moment of the day:
Granny: I couldn't get that Neapolitan ice cream open earlier today
Me: Awe, that stinks Granny
G: There is ice cream cones in there
Me: Do you want me to make you an ice cream cone?
BLANK STARE...I get up and walk closer
Me: Do you want me to make you an ice cream cone, it's no trouble?
G: Oh yeah...just chocolate and while you're in there make yourself one

Mind you she just had a chocolate frosty from Wendy's not 30 minutes earlier. I tried to hide my laughter and dutifully made her an ice cream cone, with just the chocolate ice cream of course.

I've decided I don't want to grow old it has to be so insanely frustrating. I'll keep my cyanide pills at the ready for when time comes.

It's School Time/Progress

Hannah started Kindergarten and wears a UNIFORM.  This feels like craziness, why is she growing so much. Carter started preschool today and is gone all day and carries a lunch box and book bag...how can this be?!!?! He did really well today on his first day of preschool. I'm so proud of him and happy that he wants to go and enjoys it. He has speech therapy tomorrow so hopefully he does well with that. Hannah of course loves school AND homework. She's a strange child, just like me when I was a kid :)

The house is coming along. We moved out with the exception of furniture and a large portion of our stuff and have started painting and cleaning....and cleaning and cleaning. We meet with the realtor on Saturday so hopefully we'll have this puppy on the market pretty soon.

Here We Go!

This weekend we will officially start taking steps to move to Missouri, yay! We are cleaning and repairing so that we can get this house on the market. Hoping to have it done and on the market within the next week or two. Fingers crossed.

My Dad has been cracking me up over the potential relocation. Rest assured he has given me a minimum of five lectures on the topic and I'm sure they'll be many more in my future.Without him I would have never known that I need a job, benefits and MONEY to move...who'd a thunk it. Here I am hoping to live in a van down by the river, eating berries and small animals to survive.

In case anyone out there is wondering why we want to move (a few have asked), let's count the ways shall we (in no particular order):

1. Houses in DE are too expensive
2. We need a four bedroom house
3. The school district we live in sucks
4. Private school is crazy expensive
5. Tom and I both love Missouri
6. I need wide open spaces
7. No offense to my fellow Delawarean but quite a lot of you act very ghetto. Sorry/Not Sorry, learn manners
8. We've both worked at our current jobs for ten years...this is crazy talk and we need change
9. We are only 30 and 28 life is to be enjoyed in a place you will enjoy it best
10. I'd like to try living closer to the rest of my family for a change

I don't know where we'll work, I don't know what town we'll live in but we'll have all that hammered out before we pack up three kids, three cats and a dog to head west.

So there you have it. It's starting; let's see what the next year and a half brings...good Lord willing of course.

my brain hurts

A few updates on Carter:

Tom and I finally heard back from the speech and development screening the school district performed in March. A couple of weeks ago we met with a group of folks who went over everything with us. Carter has an IEP in place for the coming school year. He will initially have an aide/therapist (what do you call this person?) working with him one day a week. We had him registered for two half days a week (Tuesdays and Thursdays) and are now looking to see if we can bump that up to five full days a week. The school district advised it best to keep him in private school but to increase his time there during the week. They seem very confident we will see improvements with his speech, etc. This all seems well and good so I'm excited this part of life seems to be under control.

The behavior clinics we've been attending are starting to feel like a joke. Recent advice has included letting Carter punch a pillow when he gets angry or to squeeze a squeeze toy when he is going to pinch. I don't see either of these suggestions happening in my future. The solution to him not going to bed is to increase his bed time to a later time!?!?!? Tom and I both left there feeling like these recommendations would just worsen the current issues. I think I'll just figure my own game plan out at this rate.

Other news:

Hannah's last week of preschool is this coming week and she'll be a kindergartner!!! I'm so excited for her!

Amelia is a crazy smart baby and a little sweetie. I can't believe she'll be two in November. I cradled her in my arms like a baby the other day and thought she was way to big already :(

My Granny has not been doing so well for about a month now. She was in the hospital for about a week and had moved today to a rehabilitation facility. She has Parkinson's/Dementia issues going on and had recently seemed like she was going absolutely crazy. The doctors said that it could be her Parkinson's medicine making her that way in combination with her thyroid levels being completely out of whack. To top it all off she developed a UTI so it was the perfect storm of things going on that her body couldn't quite handle. We are still not quite sure what may come in the long run but she is starting to seem more like her old self so we're hoping she'll recover and leave the rehabilitation center after some therapy...her weight has dropped to 88 pounds.

I was hired for a new job within my current company and will no longer be a supervisor and to tell the truth, I'm excited. My new venture will begin this coming Monday :)