The Winds of Change

The last two days have been very emotional for me as I try to sort out my obesity, my mind and what needs done about the two. Yesterday was a pivotal moment for me at work. I was sitting at my desk when in pops an email that cake is served in celebration of April birthdays. Instantly I wanted cake, BAD! I sat there contemplating if I should get a slice all the while knowing I shouldn't and that I should adhere to my diet. I could feel the anxiety creeping in, I started rubbing my forehead feverishly as if it would rub away my want for cake. With nothing left to do but think about cake I got up and did my walk for the day. As I drew near the end of my walk I started to cry, it dawned on me that I could really use a "sponsor" to help me with this and assure me that I'm doing the right thing or to talk me off the cliff of a slice of cake. I thought about that some more and how I feel like I need counseling because this is something so much bigger than me and I can't control it, at least not by myself.

Today I'm still thinking about everything. Like an answered prayer my BF randomly tells me that she is there whenever I need to talk and get through cravings. As if she was reading my mind she thought I need counseling, for-real counseling. I couldn't have agreed more. I need to talk to someone and try to get past these demons in my head. I know what triggered my obesity and I know it is something that people can't just "get over." This time I need someone's help and I need them to help my mind more than anything.

Monday, I will start my first day with a man who is SUPER nice and he is going to get me going in the right path of nutrition and fitness. I am very excited about this and I hope that this is what finally gets me to my goal of being thin(ner).

Hopefully with the new three-pronged plan I'll get to where I need to be!

Oy Vey

I don't know if it is the fact that it is day two of food detox or what but I am in a foul mood. Hannah has also chose this time to revolt against her bedtime which is driving me nuts. Combined with a day of nothing going right, I called Tom crying about how I just might strangle someone if one more thing happens.

Carter has moved on from nursing, I can't believe how much he is growing. He can now roll, scoot and eat baby foods. The scooting is adorable, if he could get his arms from under him he would be crawling. Hannah crawled around five months and so far he looks like he might be doing the same thing.

Hannah now enjoys, bedtime stories, rides in her power wheel, sidewalk chalk and blowing bubbles. It so fun to watch her turn into a preschooler right before your eyes. I think she also enjoys being able to keep up more with her cousins and the things they can do.

I cut most of my hair off last Thursday, it a super fun graduated bob. I have seriously received 50 or more compliments. I've never had that happen before! Life just feels like it needs to be shook up a little.

Wordless Wednesday

For Serious?

The other night Mom and I were out running errands. We left Home Depot and headed to the dollar store. By this time Carter was getting hungry so I freed Hannah from her car seat and grabbed Carter out of his. I sat back down and changed his diaper, just as I began nursing him (in the car mind you) Hannah starts to take her diaper off too. I didn't want to stop feeding him and after a few times of telling her not to take her diaper off, I figured all would be well until he was done eating. Just then as my little princess is standing in the passenger seat I hear, "Pee." "What did you say baby?" Pee!" "Let Mama see." "Pee!" You guessed it folks, she peed right there on the seat of my two month old van and I was trapped in the other seat with a baby on my boob, trapped like a rat. I managed with my one free arm to find tissues and wipe up the pee. I asked Han to stand on the floor mats, which she did, incase she needed to pee more before I could diaper her. Thankfully my mom came back just as I was done sopping up my pee seat!

Lesson learned for the day: Never trust a two-year old with no diaper on.

Before I Was A Mom...

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

 Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom

May you always be overwhelmed by the Grace of God rather than by the cares of life

 My mom sent this to me in an email today. Thought it would be a nice thought to spread today!