Third Trimester...Finally

Today is the official day that I am seven months! WooHoo!

I am ever so slightly terrified as everyone around me seems to be giving birth early and I don't really want to catch that fever if you know what I mean. Even the waitress at Apple-bees shared the story of her daughter going three and a half months early and the baby was born a little over a pound. My mind was once again filled with that panic-y fear! My friend at work was due in January and just had her baby this past week! She was thankfully born a little over five pounds so she didn't have to go to the NICU. If anyone else goes into labor early I will be begging for bed rest just to be on the safe side. Seriously, I have come this far and don't want any problems.

Now is apparently the time when everyone starts to offer advice and ask if you are "ready for the baby." I at heart am ready for the baby because I want to hold her and do everything that comes with a baby. In reality no I am not ready! We do not have a room set up for her and don't plan on putting one in this house. We figured it easier just to wait until we go to settlement and do her room first. I also have not had a baby shower and that is were the majority of baby paraphernalia comes from...am I right? So until that happens no I am "not ready," but I am ready at heart!

The advice should be another post but I will share a brief story while getting my eyebrows waxed on Friday. Lynda my eyebrow chick asked if I would be nursing, I said yes and she did what everyone does when they hear that a 23 year old is going to breastfeed. She gave me the "Ohhhh really?" Then to catch herself she added a "That is good to hear, I breastfed all of my children." I knew it was coming it was lingering in the air, the advice was sure to follow and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. She proudly declared "Make sure to start twisting those nipples now because let me tell you it hurts!" That was off the TMI rector scale that I did not need to know about the eyebrow lady. She then proceeds to inform me of how it ruins your breast, etc, etc. I had to shut her down quickly as this was getting too uncomfortable for even me. I kindly explained that my mother used to be a counselor for nursing mothers and she is going to be helping me with everything. That was the end of that. 

The eyebrow lady also told me I was waiting too late to do my childbirth classes. I called the hospital in October and the woman there scheduled it for January so that is really not my problem.

I am oh so grateful that this year during Christmas at Tom's Aunt's House I will not have to hear: "When are you two going to have kids." Followed by me stuttering and stammering because I really felt like saying f'you we've been trying for three years. I would eventually mumble a "We'll see" and left it at that. This year I will be proudly boasting my seven month belly thankful I will never have to hear that dreaded sentence again so long as I live.

Good luck to everyone still struggling on the desperate train of infertility I know it is hard during the holidays but I hope that next year holds a better outcome for all of you!

Brazilian Bitchiness

Today I went and had my "routine maintenance" read: Brazilian and eyebrow wax. You know since vacation is on the horizon.  I decided not to go to Cielo my normal place because I hate to drive in to the city and various other reasons. I decided to try Trilogy Salon and Day Spa. What a waste. I didn't have to wait to long before the girl came out and yells "HEATHER" as loud as humanly possible. I thought to myself that was obnoxious, oh well. So she speeds walks to the room.

Here is the obnoxious conversation:

Bitch: So you want a bixini and eyebrow wax?

Me: No I wanted a Brazilian and an eyebrow.

Bitch: Okay, the whole thing?

Me: Yes

Instructs me to get undressed get on table, I comply.

B: Do you shave?

Me: No, I get Brazilians.

B: From who?

Me: Cielo.

B: Who at Cielo?

Me: Helene

B: Where is she from?

Me: I don't think anywhere, I don't know.

B: Do you know anyone else from Cielo?

Me: Yes but they don't work there anymore.

B: Who where they?

Me: Jen and Michelle.

B: I know of Jen.

B: You have a lot of ingrown hairs, are sure you don't shave?

Me: No I don't shave, my hair always grows in-grown.

B: You need to start using Tend Skin.

Me: Okay

She does not do a full Brazilian which is really just obnoxious. I was so pissed at her I didn't even want to ask her. Moves on to my eyebrows.

B: WOW, they are really crooked!

B: But you already know that don't you.

Me: I thought one was longer than the other.

B: Did Helene do this as well?

Me: Yes.

B: Do you pluck your eyebrows?

Me: No, never.

B: Well, I am not going to mess with them too much they need to grow out so I can fix them.

Me: Okay.

Needless to say I was ready to choke this bitch. I can't believe she was so rude. I am sorry I am such a horribly disfigured freak and my hair grows in-grown and my eyebrows are disgustingly crooked. It is just me or was she accusing me of plucking and shaving? I would never, hence why I pay someone to do that for me. Next time I am just going to brave the city and go to Cielo. I hate people!

Humor From The Weekend...

Here is a couple of humorous quotes and stories from this weekend...

(L and I in the car she is driving about 70 or so in a 55, we pass a cop car that is looking for speeders and he doesn't come after us)

L: "Apparently he is looking for people in the 80-100 range."

(Parents and I are eating dinner Sunday night, I was mainly talking to my mother and told her my back has been hurting from not walking due to the rain.)

Dad: "Don't you have a rain-suit"

Me: "I am not walking in the rain!"

Tom: "Yeah, she wants to join the gym in the winter because she doesn't want walk in the cold."

Tom: "All she needs to do is layer up."

Mom: "Tom, have you started walking too?"

Tom: "No"

Followed by fits of laughter

(On Friday I was at the spa for my brazilian regular maintenance)

The aesthitician tells me to go ahead and get undressed from the waist down and jump on the table. She shut the door and left me to undress. I am half naked and hop on the table and it swivels out and rubs hard against my leg and butt. It hurt really bad and I cursed myself for forgetting the table swiveled. There was nothing to do but laugh. Then I realized that I ripped the cloth slightly in half while I was trying to hold on for dear life. I then prattled through the cabinets looking for a new cloth to no avail! What the heck can I just have a normal waxing without some embarrassing moment? Maybe this is a sign!

My Mother...Ever the Comedian

Mom sent me this email and it was too funny not to post!

Something for you and Laura to consider next time you go for a wax.

http://www.courttv.com/people/scm/articles/102006_scm.html?link=eaf

What Is Going On Here?

"too embarrassed brazilian wax butt hair"

"One morning you will never wake up"

"life full of sadness"

These were some unusual searches that brought someone to this blog. If I were the last two people I would seek counseling immediately!

Brazilian Embarrassment

 *Warning* Readers beware this is a classic case of providing TMI!

*Read at your own risk*

Okay, so yesterday I took the day off and went with fancythis to do the unthinkable, again!

 That is right we got yet another Brazilian wax! I know at this very moment you are thinking what the hell is wrong with these two, they surely must be masochists. I can assure you we are not. It is just feels so refreshing to have all the hair lifted off your ummm....shoulders?  ;-)

So I am laying there and she has done the worst of it and she starts to wash her hands and told me I can go ahead and get dressed. Okay. I started to think but she didn't finish...interesting. So I get dressed and went to wait for fancythis to be done so she can get her BW done. As I am sitting there I am wrestling with getting up and asking her is she can wax my butt-crack. I can't imagine how I can possibly get up and ask this woman this and further more that is part of a BW so why didn't she do it in the first place. I am mulling it over finally after 15 minutes of agonizing over this I go back in there.

Me: Ummmm............I was wondering if you could ummm..........wax my behind....if you do that......it is okay if you don't.......I was just wondering.

Her: Oh, I am sorry, I normally do wax there...I just wasn't sure if you wanted me too.

Me: Well, if you don't want to you don't have too.

Her: No, I do, I  just felt weird asking because the other day I did and a lady was really offended that I would ask her that and now I have shied off from asking people that.

I guess she was just as embarrassed to ask me as I was her. So that was that. The rest is history.

Eyebrow Embarrassment

Two weeks ago I went to have my eyebrows waxed because it had seriously been like a month since I had them done.  I had never been to this place before and was a little nervous. When I walk into the salon I thought okay this place is nice. Check in, wait, then the lady,  Lynda comes to the front and gets me. Super nice lady!  I walk into the room and I notice it looks like I am at the dentist. The chair looks like a dentist chair there is a big light hanging from the ceiling, I thought this is going to be great!

I am laying in the chair and the lady says: "You have a little bruise on your eyebrow."

Me: Really?

Lynda: Yes, did you hit your head on something?

Me: No I don't think so.

Lynda: Well there is a little bruise there.

Me: Well, I did hit my head on the foot-board last night.  :oops:

Lynda: How did you do that?

Me: Um......You know.

Lynda: (bursting with laughter) Oh I see, are you a student?

Me: No, I am married.

Lynda: Oh ok.

Needless to say there wasn't as much talking after that. What is wrong with this woman? why was she grilling me? She is really nice though and did a great job with my brows. It is probably the best eyebrow wax I have ever had. It has been two weeks and hardly any hair has grown back which is normally not the case for me!  I am going tomorrow so I will try to refrain from embarrassing myself again!