"Do Something About It!"

I'm not for resolutions of the New Year's variety. But I am very aware of a few things that need to be changed in my life. Last night I started cleaning the house after Tom and I had a movie night with the kids. I started scrubbing the tub and my knee as usual was in pain and feeling like it didn't want to bend. I finally get my joints working only to have to get back up and proceed to limp around. Tom just so happened to be standing behind me as I was going through the motions.

He finally says: "What is wrong with you, your knees, your elbows, it's always something."
To which I replied: "I'm too fat combined with getting older and it's killing my joints."
T: "Then do something about it, go on a diet."
Me: "I plan on it I just don't know what I want to do."

The truth is for the past month I've really been psyching myself up to pick a plan and stick to it. The fear of failing has left me with reservations on getting started on my endeavors.

I'm about 80% sure of the path I want to take to lose weight. I know enough that a diet alone is not going to save me. If that were the case I'd have been skinny years ago. My battle is of the mental variety and once I get done making excuses and telling myself I'll not make it; I'll be able to get something done. What I need most from others is support and kindness and not everyone in my life offering me "good advice." I really dislike when people try to help me lose weight as weird as that may seem. If I tell someone I lost five pounds the last thing I want to hear is "ooh, I have a recipe for sugar free cookies" or any other "healthy" item. As nice is that is to share a recipe; I don't want your recipe. I'd rather have a kind/encouraging word or silence.

I've come to realize I am highly addicted to junk and because of that, changing the way I eat feels like a never ending battle. I crave crappy food and when I'm trying to rid myself of sugar/sweets/junk I don't want any substitutions. By eating the substitutions I'm still allowing my body to crave sweets/junk thus prolonging a seemingly unending cycle to just stop craving them altogether. I need to eat healthy and I don't want sugar-free, fat-free, low-sodium processed substitutions to get me through it.

This year is going to be about discipline and perseverance. I will train myself to stick to this even when I really don't want to.

The Week of H

It was H week at Hannie's school. She made a headband and colored hippos. For show and tell she brought a horse Tuesday and a hamster Thursday. She was very glad to have started back to school after Christmas break.



Now that Tom is what I like to call, a deadly diabetic, we have made a 180 with the meals in our house. Tom gets really sick when his sugar gets too high and his sugar gets high very easily.  He has gone down three pant sizes and two shirt sizes due to his newly diagnosed diabetes. Luckily, I am an expert on how to eat (not that I always follow my own advice) and have got him on a super good diet. He's feeling better and not having any of the symptoms that he was feeling prior to the diet change.

I've lost 8 pounds this week thanks to the change and unfortunately his diabetes was just the push I needed to get my butt back in gear.

Aside from Hannah's school routine and grocery shopping we did a whole lot of nothing this week and that is perfectly fine with me!

Limbo Land

That's kind of where I'm at right now with this pregnancy. After Thursday's doctors appointment resulted in being admitted directly to the High Risk Pregnancy Unit at our local hospital.

I stayed in the hospital for about a day and a half to be observed and to complete a 24 hour urine test as an inpatient. The results of that test were the same as when I did it a month and a half ago, only confirming once again that I have preeclampsia. Shocker.

Initially, I thought that they might take Amelia that day or the next since I was sent to high-risk but obviously that didn't occur. One of the doctors on duty said that the risk of taking her at 36 weeks was too high. Since I now have gestational diabetes Amelia is at a greater risk of having respiratory issues if she is born prior to 37 weeks. Call it mother's intuition but I don't think it's her time just yet and was surprised to have found myself back in the hospital. She is doing very well cooking; it's just my body that is having an adverse reaction.

I think it's safe to say I've finally hit my wall of being good spirited about bed rest and hospital stays. It took a month and a half but I've finally cracked. It feels like fall was ruined, it's my favorite time of year and I can't even enjoy it. I miss not being able to spend as much time with Tom and our kids. I just feel sad. Maybe the coming weeks will be better?

The Insulin Bullet

I almost dodged it this pregnancy. With 7 more weeks of baby cooking I was finally put on insulin today. I thought I'd be bummed out, I really wanted to say I made it one pregnancy without gestational diabetes. I did everything I could to stay off insulin but with my new-found bed rest the inactivity made my sugars slightly elevated. Just enough to require insulin.

I'll still be reporting my blood sugars twice a week to the diabetes center but today was my last appointment and I don't have to go back until January! I feel like I graduated from the endocrinologist today ;)

All in all  I'd say this is a pretty good day.

Amelia Update

The appointments seemed to be going along well...

Last Wednesday I had an OB appt and was able to schedule my C-Section for 11/1/2011! The next day I had a Fetal Echo Cardiogram at the local Children's Hospital to monitor the effects of my hypo-thyroid/diabetes on the baby's heart. That went well and no issues were noted. The day after that I had an appt at the Diabetes doctor and my Hemoglobin A1C is still really good and my levels have been good so no changes with that. Which meant no insulin, hallelujah! My thyroid is still off and is too high so they are raising my medicine to compensate.

Then this Tuesday came and I had my monthly level 2 ultrasound. Everything seemed fine and then during my ultrasound the tech asked if I had any issues at my last appt. Well I didn't but her question had me quickly realize that when the doctor came to check me out I'd be given some type of bad news. She finished up the ultrasound and advised that Amelia is estimated to weigh 1 pound 4 ounces and is in the 38th percentile. Forty minutes after the tech leaves the exam room the doctor finally shows up. He immediately asks if I know what a "notch" is. Um, no. He goes on to explain that the baby is not getting enough blood flow from the placenta on the left side. He continues with that being where the notch comes in and says that instead of the blood flow being  just "one big gulp" that mine is a "big gulp, a divit and a small gulp to compensate." I could plainly see what he was talking about on the tv screen so that was helpful to know what I was looking at. He went on to say that this could be a pre-cursor for preeclampsia and that I really needed to rest and relax and be as stress-free as possible (insert laugh here). I asked if there was anything I could do for the "notch" and there isn't so I think this is a wait and see kind of thing.  I have high hopes that the next visit is "normal" and they'll tell me there is no longer a sign of a "notch." So for now all I can do is pray!

Baby Amelia's Face:



Profile:

A Day of Change

Today marks the first day of Tom going back to second shift. It feels weird. I'm sure Han and I will get used to by the end of the week. Both Tom and I have all new daily routines and I think it is a little bit more lonely without him around at nights.

We officially own the house that we live in, yay! Settlement went very smoothly and we have no worries. I did get to thinking while I was there that Tom and I really need a will set up in case we both croak. I'll have to put that on my to-do-list.

I was stunned to hear that Hannah jumped out of her crib today. Tom was in the shower and she decided she didn't want to wait in the crib for him to finish. She jumped out landed on the floor and kept on trucking into the bathroom. I believe Tom said she didn't even cry!

I'm anemic now with this pregnancy. I've been taking iron for about two weeks or somewhere close to that and still feel very tired so I guess I'm just tired. I will also have to have ultrasounds every week until I'm due which begins this Wednesday. This is just to measure the size of the baby and to make sure nothing weird is going on since I have diabetes and HBP.

For The Birds

It's official, I have morning sickness. Never experienced it with Hannah and this time around had been no different. Until this week...

I started taking high blood pressure medicine on Tuesday and ever since I have been sick in the mornings. I thought it was the medicine but it didn't happen at night when I took the second pill. Then just to try it out I hadn't planned on taking the medicine until later in the day. No such luck, the sickness kicked in about thirty minutes after I woke up.

Clearly I was not missing out on anything first pregnancy around. Maybe this time I am having a boy?

Thursday 5/7/2009

I had a very good appointment today! Everything is looking great and all of my blood work is really good! My hemoglobin A1C is a 5.6 which is super good!

I got to see the baby's heartbeat today! It was a moment of shear joy! I could also tell he had gotten much bigger since last week. He is starting to take shape!

The heartbeat was 124!

Here is a pic of the little guy:



I am measuring six weeks three days, giving me a new due date of 12/29/2009. This date is the official date and should not change in the future.

I do have to say this, I had to get an exam today while I was there. I hadn't had an exam with them since 2007. So they have me get undressed and put the gown on. Clearly this gown was Hannah's size. It was squeezing my fat little arms and it literally half covered the front of me. Ridiculous. It reminded me of Chris Farley and David Spade in Tommy Boy, "Fat guy in a little coat." I survived it but if memory serves me I think these people gave me a tiny little gown last time too!

Fat? Homely? Poor? Oh My!

Last Thursday as I wrapped up my shopping trip in Walmart accompanied by Hannie and my one of my BF's. I am getting rung up by the cashier and as she swipes my formula can she says:

Cashier: Do you have your WIC card?

Me: What?

C: If you have your WIC card you can get your formula for free.

Me: I make too much money to qualify for WIC.

C: Oh okay.

Later on as I am riding back to my friends house I got to thinking. Do I look poor? Then we both enjoyed a good laugh at that WTF moment in the Ghetto-Mart.

Next day, I went to have my blood work done for the Diabetes Center. Please note Diabetes Center.

Lab Tech: Why are you bouncing that baby?

Me: Just 'cause.

LT: Well stop it. If you keep doing that she won't understand the difference when you do it when she is upset.

She rambled on more about this topic and then stopped. Okay as unwanted as her advice is I can see her logic.

A few seconds later:

LT: Do you have diabetes?

Me: I had Type 2 before I was pregnant and now they are telling me that I am in a pre-diabetic state.

LT: That's weird, I have never heard of that

LT: Let me tell you a secret

Me: (Oh dear Lord what now) What's that

LT: Gastric bypass cures diabetes

Me: Oh (Thinking to myself no she didn't)

LT: My sister had it and girl let me tell you she is so skinny and she is a baby making machine!

Me: Good for her

LT: You should get it, insurance will pay for it just like that (snaps fingers)

Me: Oh, hmm (How freaking rude!)

LT: My sister she so fertile she had to terminate three of her pregnancies, she just kept getting pregnant and finally they told her she had to get her tubes tied.

Me: Mmm

What the heck! I do not want to hear about your sister's abortion, I do not want to hear about her diabetes and I don't want your skinny ass telling me to get Gastric Bypass! Mind your own business!

She also informed me that she knows how hard it is to lose weight because she has been trying very hard to lose ten pounds since last year and she just can't seem to do it. "She is just not movitvated enough to get up and exercise."

I wanted to tell her that is so sad for her it must be hard to be a size four and ten pounds over weight, how does she possibly manage to get out of bed every morning.

But I didn't and I never do say anything rude back to people even when they are rude to me. I guess my parents raised me better than that.

The Beginning of the Next Three Months

Today was my official last day at work! Wa-hoo!

I took four vacation days prior to the induction because I wanted to. I don't really have anything to do that I can think of. I might just straighten the house up a bit, hang out at the mall and finish up doctor's appointments. Good times! Once I have the baby I will be put on maternity leave and I don't have to go back to work for three months (12 weeks)! So far it seems strange. I have worked there for five years and have never been on a leave of absence or anything over two weeks at one time...This may take some getting used to.

I was actually a little sad when I left! As unbelievable as I thought that would be...I even got a little weepy in the car. The same thing happened last Friday when I went to the Diabetes doctor. When I left I had this overwhelming feeling of sadness...I guess it's that whole things coming to an end. I'm feeling much better (for) now.

Tomorrow will be my last ultrasound/bio-physical and we will find out how big the baby is! I made a bet with Tom that she will be 7.2 and of course he tried to price's-right me and make his bid at 7.4. He's a sneaky one. I'll probably be closer because the OB said she is about 7lbs. There probably won't be a good pic of her tomorrow. Now that her bones are hardening it creates dark shadows and makes it near impossible to get a clear picture.

I guess I'm done rambling now  :wink:

Really? Nothing?

Went to the OB today...nothing going on there. I am neither effaced nor am I dilated. Really it kind of bummed me out. I had contractions for a good amount of time on Friday night and then again Monday night. I thought for sure that would start this ball rolling but, nothing.

I do have that Group B Strep thing. So when I am admitted to the hospital to give birth they will hook me up to antibiotics. When they did cultures in October I didn't have it but now I tested positive so I got a letter to take with me to the hospital. I am not really concerned about that, a lot of women I know had the same thing when they gave birth.

Tom's favorite thing to ask me lately has become, "Are you going to hurry up and have this baby yet or what?" We are probably the two most impatient people so you can imagine that after eight months of waiting we are ready to see the end result.

Today is the beginning of going to the OB once a week. That really makes it feel like this pregnancy is coming to an end.



Above is a pic of Tom and I that we had taken this past Sunday. It really does little for my self esteem to be photographed next to someone that has lost 80lbs. While my face is getting wider and wider his face has gotten thinner and thinner. But I am still proud of him!

Ultrasound Day

What a fucking morning this has been.

It is my first day back after being out sick from work the past two days. Well as you all know Thursday is my weekly ultrasound. So I plan to go to the ultrasound,  have a look at the baby and then head back to work.

We start our appointment and everything is going good but the baby was extremely active more so than normal. Then the ultrasound chick checks the babies heart-rate and it is in the low 200's!  Well I immediately saw the concern on her face and just that time I hear Tom say, "That is kind of high isn't it?" Apparently I am blind because no where on the screen could I see the heart rate number. I asked what it was and the lady told me it was 198! I can feel the tears welling in my eyes but I tried to keep under control. The lady continues with the rest of the ultrasound and everything looks good...except the heart rate. So she says, "We might need to send you over to the hospital, I am going to go and look for the doctor and if he isn't in yet I will page him." Well all of this is starting to sound extremely urgent to me and as soon as the door closes I started to cry. I compose myself before she returns. She get back and tries to put a fetal monitor around my belly but the baby would not sit still long enough to get a good reading so I ended up being sent over to the office that is at the hospital. She didn't want to send me to triage for fear they would take too long. So Tom drives us  over there and I get all strapped in to the fetal monitor and we sit and watch. This child was going from 125 to 180 but eventually calmed down enough that we were allowed to leave.

The doctors didn't offer any reason for this mysterious heart rate craziness. It was all very upsetting. But we are both okay and she is doing well (as long as she doesn't have another baby freak out moment).

 Oooh, I almost forgot, she weighs 5lbs 2oz! YAY!

(No pictures today since we had the baby scare)

Bio Physical #3

Had another today, baby is doing excellent. Her head is still down and her butt is on my left side and she normally kicks my right side.

What you are about to witness is by far the scariest ultrasound picture ever. She looks like she is screaming she has her eyes and mouth wide open. Kind of reminds me of a ghost or something.



I almost think she knew what was going on because in all of my other pictures from today she is peacefully relaxing with her hands drawn to her face. Then the ultrasound tech feverishly shakes the wand over my belly while saying "come on baby, show us your face!" Well ask and you will receive.

Of course after my mother looked at the picture she laughed for 15 minutes, we have a strange sense of humor in this family.

Feeling Better!?!

I am feeling a little better from the other day when I was in full fledged diabetes panic mode. The Diabetes Center made some changes today when I faxed my (blood sugar) numbers in and so far so good!

I am just feeling really, really stressed! I hate, hate, hate having that 'nothing you can do will change anything' feeling. Perhaps I am a huge slight control freak?

Like the house is coming along fairly well but there is really nothing I can do to help. My diabetes is a complete act of nature, I was way more physically active and ate next to no sweets and it didn't phase my diabetes this weekend so that is super frustrating.

But, the diabetes is back under control as we speak so I hope it stays that way! The house is coming along as fast as it can. My husband and dad fixed the ceiling this weekend and I think it just needs a little more spackle and sanding before they can paint it. The bathroom is getting there. Dad did the plumbing for the bathtub and then we are going to put down tile, paint and install the new toilet and vanity and that will be done. I think the bedrooms just need painted and flooring installed...I think. This house is just like what you would see on TLC's Flip That House. I kid you not, you start one thing and it opens another can of worms!

So if anyone wants to come over and lend a hand you are more than welcome! We'll even buy the pizza!

I Don't Know What To Do?

My diabetes has taken a turn for the worse this week...

My blood sugar numbers just keep getting higher and higher. I went from taking insulin at bedtime only to now I am taking bedtime insulin, breakfast insulin and dinner insulin. All of this happened this week. They say the "more pregnant" you are the worse your insulin control is but I think this is getting out of hand!

Tom told me not to worry about it but it is hard not to. I keep thinking about how my friend Trina developed gestational diabetes during her pregnancy and just recently gave birth a month too soon to a baby girl. Her blood was doing the exact same thing prior to giving birth so it makes me very nervous. I don't want to go into labor too soon because of this stupid diabetes.

I guess I just have to wait it out and see what happens...

Eight out of Eight

Today marked the first day for the baby's bio-physicals. I had no clue what the bio-physical was all about so when we went today they gave us the breakdown.

They are basically just checking fetal movement and fluid levels. You get two points for proper fluid levels, two points if the baby kicks twice, two points if the baby punches twice and two points if the baby moves twice (I forget the exact word they used but she basically needed to wiggle two times). They also make sure she is breathing properly and check her heart-rate (150bmp today). Luckily today she was very active in the morning so once they told me what needed to happen I wasn't concerned. She has to perform all of these things with in a half hour and she completed all of her movements in about ten minutes.

The coolest thing about all of this is when you feel the baby moving you actually can see it on the screen. I enjoyed that the most! Usually I don't see the baby moving on the screen because they are constantly moving the wand thing around so I never can tell if they are moving or if she is.

So everything turned out okay and we scored eight out of eight. I am stoked I get to do this every week!

Hm...

The world is feeling very hectic and crazy right now! The baby is coming soon, apparently 71 days soon according to the right side of the screen. That seems really, really quick!

I guess this is hitting me all at once because we just bought a house on Thursday and we need to fix it up and the baby is coming in 71 days! Oh my, I am clearly smoking crack! I would probably feel a tad better about all of this if I could actually do some of the cleaning/fixing on the house. But my whole family has banned me from work so it is a three man crew consisting of my husband, father and mother doing all the work. I am seriously feeling guilt ridden. Grandma even gave me the third degree that I shouldn't even be going over to the house. Yes that was her exact words.

Besides the house...we also have our childbirth classes once a week starting next week and they will continue until the first week of February. We also have bio-physicals on the baby once a week for the next four weeks. Not to mention all the other doctor appointments that I have to go to! Oh the chaos, what will me and my home-body husband do!

Speaking of the baby...she is doing well! On Wednesday they told me she weighs 3lbs 1oz and that she is looking good and gaining weight properly. She also had her fetal echo cardiogram that day and her heart looks wonderful. Praise the Lord for that!

So needless to say I am looking quite forward to a nice, relaxing, laugh-filled night with my two best friends! Woo-Hoo, melting pot here we come!

Thoughts All A Flutter...

I know I posted the babies pics and dipped out for a few days, I do apologize. Everything is fine or at-least it is starting to feel that way again.

I had my OB appointment today for the month and everything looks good. The babies  heartbeat was good and my 16week genetic blood-work tests came back all normal! Woo-hoo! I have been having a lot of back pain lately so I was able to get a note from the doctor to wear sneakers at work! Muhuwahaha! My back was feeling better from when I lost weight (before I became pregnant) but my belly is pulling it all out of kilter.

I will have my next ultrasound at the end of this month (another level II) and in December I will have a fetal echo cardiogram to make sure my diabetes isn't affecting the babies heart.

I spotted Bam Margera this weekend whilst driving through West Chester, this is my second MTV celebrity sighting.

I guess that is all the news that is news.

I Hate This...

Diabetes that is, I am starting to feel like a food prisoner! I went to the diabetes doctor on Friday and they increased my bedtime insulin, they also said I had ketones in my urine. Ketones are bad for the baby because instead of getting energy from food, the baby is using my fat for energy or something like that. They want me to eat a bedtime snack so that my sugars won't be as high in the morning. So meanwhile, I am trying to juggle eating enough, eating the right things and all the while keeping my blood sugars in control. This is impossible! The placenta wreaks havoc on your sugar control and I think I am officially in the stage where it is beyond my control. My sugars seem to constantly be high, no matter what I do. It is very frustrating. Especially because you are not supposed to eat/drink artificial sweeteners while pregnant and no caffeine while pregnant. So your food options are getting even more limited. I think they might put me on a lunchtime insulin when I fax my numbers in tomorrow or at-least that is my prediction.

In other pregnancy news, my ultrasound that was originally scheduled for October 16th is now re-scheduled to October 30th. I had to re-schedule because I switched doctors and everything got all screwy. So hopefully we will find out what the baby is and how he/she is doing.

The Walls Are Closing In On Me...

Okay so I am being a tad dramatic.

• I am officially going on insulin today.


• I have a job interview this week.


• I need to have my house re-zoned to commercial in order to make a substantial profit.


• My head is throbbing.


• I meet my new OB this week.

Have I mentioned I don't like a lot of things going on at one time? Makes me just a tad frazzled.