When I was a kid I had on occasion spent the night in my Grandma's bed with her, while she briefly lived with us. She would always pray with me on those nights and I have never forgotten this memory. Probably because it was so terrifying.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
if I die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
Parents, do not pray this prayer with your children. Every time Granny would pray this with me I would lie in bed terrified that if I fell asleep I wasn't waking back up!
Now that I am older and have kids of my own, I need to take hold and steer them to the Lord. Hannah and I have recently begun bedtime prayers. We hold each other's hand and they go something like this:
Dear Lord, Thank you for Daddy, Mommy, Hannie and Buddy. Thank you for Molly and Ham & Cheese. Thank you for Grandma, Mammie and Gampie. Thank you for Uncle Chase, Aunt Angela, Makayla and Jordie. Thank you for dying on the cross. We love you, In Jesus name we pray, Amen.
Then after this Hannah says, "I want to hold her's fingers." She holds my hand and begins her prayer:
Mommy, Daddy, Buddy, Ham and Cheese, Aunt Angela, mumble, mumble, mumble, Mammie, Gampie, Jordie, more mumbling, Uncle Chase, mumble, mumble, mumble. The End!
In which I try to stifle any laughter because it really is just the cutest thing. I again say "Amen" when she's done and she'll say again; "The End." Cracks me up every time. It fills my heart with joy that she wants to say her own prayer.
Hopefully I'm going about this the right way as I have no experience in Toddler Theology.
Showing posts with label Religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Religion. Show all posts
Friday, October 15, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
"Thinking" May Not Always Be A Good Thing
Aunt Flo came to see me today which makes me think that could be why I was SO emotional this week. I haven't had Flo visit since I had Carter so it makes perfect sense that it would come when we planned to go to Sesame Place and on a date night. Tis my life I guess, I'll just try to be grateful it came at all.
I've had the weirdest dreams/nightmares lately. I dreamt that the rapture happened on 12/21/2012 and Hannah, Carter and I floated off to heaven and Tom was left on Earth. Then the next night I dreamt that Hannah and I were being gunned down in our neighborhood and a bomb hit me in the face. I was then pinned to the ground and couldn't get up until my attacker was right next to me. Thankfully these "dreams" end pretty quickly to the tune of my annoying alarm clock!
I'm still working out and eating healthy, I hope that my the end of the month I will reach the 15 pound mark! I lost a total of five pounds this week which I couldn't have been more proud of! The week prior I had lost 1.5 lbs and to be honest was feeling a little discouraged. I kept pressing on and it paid off big time! I finally reached out via email to the counselor so I hope to hear from her on Tuesday. I am super nervous, I've never had any type of counseling so this is all unfamiliar territory. I am excited to see how it affects my life!
I started reading "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth, already I have cried reading it and I'm only on the second chapter! The points she makes about food addiction and why you react to food is so real. I would recommend everyone to read it, even if you don't think you are addicted to food!
I've had the weirdest dreams/nightmares lately. I dreamt that the rapture happened on 12/21/2012 and Hannah, Carter and I floated off to heaven and Tom was left on Earth. Then the next night I dreamt that Hannah and I were being gunned down in our neighborhood and a bomb hit me in the face. I was then pinned to the ground and couldn't get up until my attacker was right next to me. Thankfully these "dreams" end pretty quickly to the tune of my annoying alarm clock!
I'm still working out and eating healthy, I hope that my the end of the month I will reach the 15 pound mark! I lost a total of five pounds this week which I couldn't have been more proud of! The week prior I had lost 1.5 lbs and to be honest was feeling a little discouraged. I kept pressing on and it paid off big time! I finally reached out via email to the counselor so I hope to hear from her on Tuesday. I am super nervous, I've never had any type of counseling so this is all unfamiliar territory. I am excited to see how it affects my life!
I started reading "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth, already I have cried reading it and I'm only on the second chapter! The points she makes about food addiction and why you react to food is so real. I would recommend everyone to read it, even if you don't think you are addicted to food!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
GO TO CHURCH ALREADY!
This is really getting ridiculous for me. I want to go to church I (literally) need to go to church but I haven't quite made my want connect with going. I don't have an excuse for not going other than being tired and don't forget lazy. I guess too I kind of feel like I am in a church gray area. I quit going to my one church (that I am a member of) about four years ago (it is Baptist) and occasionally I will go to my BF's church which is Presbyterian. I know a fair amount of people at the church, I like the Pastor, I like the church atmosphere over all so I really don't know why it is that I just don't go!
Something (I'm going to go with God on this one) has made me feel even more than normal that I need to go, like right this instant drive in the car and get your behind in a pew. I think this Sunday just might be the day for me.
I am having a HORRENDOUS month this past month and I really got to my wits end last week after work when I cried as soon as I sat down in my car and then the whole way home and even then for like the rest of the night. I know craziness. But it was all for a good reason that I would rather not discuss right now because I don't know how this will all pan out in the end. But it isn't just work I suppose it feels like everything as of late and I swear if I get another medical bill in the mail I just may scream! Every time I think I am going to get one paid off I get another one. It's craziness! So I guess that might also explain why I haven't been able to blog quite as much as normal.
But seriously, I am going to church this Sunday! I have to, my heart needs it more than ever!
Please pray for me! (Seriously)
Something (I'm going to go with God on this one) has made me feel even more than normal that I need to go, like right this instant drive in the car and get your behind in a pew. I think this Sunday just might be the day for me.
I am having a HORRENDOUS month this past month and I really got to my wits end last week after work when I cried as soon as I sat down in my car and then the whole way home and even then for like the rest of the night. I know craziness. But it was all for a good reason that I would rather not discuss right now because I don't know how this will all pan out in the end. But it isn't just work I suppose it feels like everything as of late and I swear if I get another medical bill in the mail I just may scream! Every time I think I am going to get one paid off I get another one. It's craziness! So I guess that might also explain why I haven't been able to blog quite as much as normal.
But seriously, I am going to church this Sunday! I have to, my heart needs it more than ever!
Please pray for me! (Seriously)
Friday, December 7, 2007
Holy Smokes!
Out of morbid curiosity I decided to check out how much tuition is at the school I always envisioned sending my child.
Then I had a panic attack, I really didn't, but I could have! Tuition is outrageous! I knew it would be costly but I don't think I had quite prepared myself for that.
Pre-School that costs $4,148.00 for three full days sounds just ridiculous. How much is there to teach a little kid? If you want three half days you can have that for $2,871.00. Are these prices normal? I mean, we're talking three days here. It sounds like a lot of money for three days.
When your child finally reaches Kindergarten the price increases (at-least they get to go five days!) to $5,902.00 for full days and $4,087.00 for half days.
I am completely flabbergasted and I don't think we will be sending our child to the school of my dreams (literally, I will only see this school in my dreams), unless I win the lottery!
Then I had a panic attack, I really didn't, but I could have! Tuition is outrageous! I knew it would be costly but I don't think I had quite prepared myself for that.
Pre-School that costs $4,148.00 for three full days sounds just ridiculous. How much is there to teach a little kid? If you want three half days you can have that for $2,871.00. Are these prices normal? I mean, we're talking three days here. It sounds like a lot of money for three days.
When your child finally reaches Kindergarten the price increases (at-least they get to go five days!) to $5,902.00 for full days and $4,087.00 for half days.
I am completely flabbergasted and I don't think we will be sending our child to the school of my dreams (literally, I will only see this school in my dreams), unless I win the lottery!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Good News!-Picture Below
Tuesday I had another ultrasound of the baby. We got great news!
When we had our October ultrasound we were told that the baby had a choroid plexus brain cyst and that it could cause retardation if it did not go away. They told me they usually go away so we should be fine. Then they offered me an amniocenteses which I declined. The doctor didn't seem too concerned about the whole thing but Tom and I were very concerned.
I was devastated. I couldn' believe that after trying to get pregnant for so many years that something like this would happen. I finally thought it through and decided God isn't going to let this happen, the cyst will go away and everything is going to be fine.
So on Tuesday we found out that the brain cyst is gone! Thank you Jesus! It was such an overwhelming relief.
I wanted to say Thank You to everyone that prayed/is praying for the baby and I! Your prayers mean the world to me. As we can see the power of prayer worked for my baby and I am very grateful!
When we had our October ultrasound we were told that the baby had a choroid plexus brain cyst and that it could cause retardation if it did not go away. They told me they usually go away so we should be fine. Then they offered me an amniocenteses which I declined. The doctor didn't seem too concerned about the whole thing but Tom and I were very concerned.
I was devastated. I couldn' believe that after trying to get pregnant for so many years that something like this would happen. I finally thought it through and decided God isn't going to let this happen, the cyst will go away and everything is going to be fine.
So on Tuesday we found out that the brain cyst is gone! Thank you Jesus! It was such an overwhelming relief.
I wanted to say Thank You to everyone that prayed/is praying for the baby and I! Your prayers mean the world to me. As we can see the power of prayer worked for my baby and I am very grateful!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
The Good and The Bad
The Good:
We had a great time at The Melting Pot! The food was really good and we weren't there too terribly long.
We got the "celebration package" which is balloons, fondue chocolate bars and your picture taken. I thought the picture turned out really cute. When I got home I looked at our last picture together from the Melting Pot, holy smokes we lost a good amount of weight!
Before (October 2006):
After (today) Tom has lost 50 pounds & I lost 40 pounds:
Surprisingly I haven't gained a single pound despite the fact that my clothes no longer fit me! (I read in a book that if you are already overweight you don't gain as much weight as skinny people)
The Bad:
1) We narrowly escaped I-95 in one piece! I was driving since Tom was sauced, we are just driving along minding our own business. All of a sudden this car charges into my lane about where the driver side door is! I had to hit the brakes and pull into the other lane to keep Tom's car from being creamed! I was terrified! Normally I am quick to lay on the horn, I was in shock or something because it took me a good two minutes to honk the damn horn. Of course I started to crybecause my hormones have turned me into a crying mess because of the adrenaline. It was very scary and I probably would have been seriously injured had that jerk-off hit us going 70 mph hour.
2) Tom and I as some of you may know due not practice the same religion. He is catholic, I am baptist. He technically doesn't practice and claims to not even believe in Jesus. So I feel that our kid(s) will be raised Baptist seeings how I am the only one practicing my faith and have a relationship with God. Oh no, not in Tom's book, the kids are going to be raised Catholic. As you can imagine, I am not feeling this. It should be very interesting to see how this difference in opinion will pan out. I am sticking to my guns and I think he is too. Moral of this story: when your father tells you (nine years ago) that you are unequally yoked, you might want to actually listen.
The religion thing is laughable at this point, I refuse to get bent out of shape but I would like to come to an agreement before we have kids to tend to. Argh.
3) I burnt my finger on the steam coming from the pot at the Melting Pot and it still is burning! When I reached towards the pot it burnt me really bad and Tom says "It couldn't have burnt you!" He then reaches his hand to the steam to prove his point! About two seconds later, "Holy shit that is really hot!" His face is cringed in pain and he is shaking his hand around like a moron. All I could do was laugh, tears were streaming down my face, that was the dumbest thing I have ever witnessed.
We had a great time at The Melting Pot! The food was really good and we weren't there too terribly long.
We got the "celebration package" which is balloons, fondue chocolate bars and your picture taken. I thought the picture turned out really cute. When I got home I looked at our last picture together from the Melting Pot, holy smokes we lost a good amount of weight!
Before (October 2006):
After (today) Tom has lost 50 pounds & I lost 40 pounds:
Surprisingly I haven't gained a single pound despite the fact that my clothes no longer fit me! (I read in a book that if you are already overweight you don't gain as much weight as skinny people)
The Bad:
1) We narrowly escaped I-95 in one piece! I was driving since Tom was sauced, we are just driving along minding our own business. All of a sudden this car charges into my lane about where the driver side door is! I had to hit the brakes and pull into the other lane to keep Tom's car from being creamed! I was terrified! Normally I am quick to lay on the horn, I was in shock or something because it took me a good two minutes to honk the damn horn. Of course I started to cry
2) Tom and I as some of you may know due not practice the same religion. He is catholic, I am baptist. He technically doesn't practice and claims to not even believe in Jesus. So I feel that our kid(s) will be raised Baptist seeings how I am the only one practicing my faith and have a relationship with God. Oh no, not in Tom's book, the kids are going to be raised Catholic. As you can imagine, I am not feeling this. It should be very interesting to see how this difference in opinion will pan out. I am sticking to my guns and I think he is too. Moral of this story: when your father tells you (nine years ago) that you are unequally yoked, you might want to actually listen.
The religion thing is laughable at this point, I refuse to get bent out of shape but I would like to come to an agreement before we have kids to tend to. Argh.
3) I burnt my finger on the steam coming from the pot at the Melting Pot and it still is burning! When I reached towards the pot it burnt me really bad and Tom says "It couldn't have burnt you!" He then reaches his hand to the steam to prove his point! About two seconds later, "Holy shit that is really hot!" His face is cringed in pain and he is shaking his hand around like a moron. All I could do was laugh, tears were streaming down my face, that was the dumbest thing I have ever witnessed.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Thoughts At Large...
- What is the deal with people and driving in the fog? Does all knowledge of how to drive in foggy weather just fly right out the window?
- I was getting terrified about breast feeding yesterday after a few girls at work kept going on and on about it. So last night I prayed about not being nervous when it comes time to breastfeed. As soon as I was done praying it dawned on me, neither of them have breast fed a day in there lives so why am I listening to them? That was the fastest a prayer has ever been answered!
- I have been thinking about building an addition on to the back of the house and putting in a driveway in the front of the house. I am really nervous, I don't know if I want the added expense of a home equity loan or what ever we decide to do. Maybe I should start calling around for estimates.
- I have convinced myself I am having a boy and now everyone is convinced I am having a boy too. We are already calling the baby the boy name. I think it will be hilarious to find out I am having a girl!
- Yesterday my niece asked me how do they get the baby out of your belly...I ignored that question, I'll leave that up to her parents to tell her! ;-)
- I have decided on what crib bedding I want it is super cute!
- Our toilet seat broke on Sunday and what a pain in the ass this has become, literally! I fear for my leg when I sit down to pee! I might as well try to sit on the mouth of an alligator!
- People at work are getting on my last reserved nerve!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
A HUGE Blessing!
So many of you may be asking, what was your blood test for that you were so anxiously sitting on pins and needles for? You want to know don't you? Okay I'll tell you, are you ready, are you completly sitting down? I am PREGNANT!!! Four weeks pregnant to be exact! As I type this I am really still in shock! I am so excited and anxious. But mostly I can't believe it. After all this time spent trying, I am pregnant! I have not taken a single fertility drug in exactly a year to date of conception! Yay! I got pregnant on my own, I can't believe it!!!
I want to give an enormous thank you to everyone that was with me during this trying time in my life. I can not express how grateful I am to all the prayers and shoulders that I cried on through all of the treatments and disappointments. Come to find out people were praying for me and I never even knew which makes me even happier! I feel so blessed and am glad that I have such a great "support group!"
I had my suspicions I was pregnant when I didn't get my period on vacation (since it has been very regular). I decided Sunday that I was going to take a home test on Monday when I woke up before work. I did and nearly had a stroke! Instantly it popped up positive! I almost fell to the ground I couldn't believe my eyes! I must have looked back at the box 20 times to make sure I was reading the test correctly. Once I was certain of the result I called the Tom and told him the good news! We both agreed I needed to check with the doctor first. I called the RE as soon as they opened and they told me to come on in. I called Mom and told her and then called L and told her. Of course they both wanted to come with me so they both went with me to my blood test, can you tell we were all excited! I had my blood drawn at 8:45 and didn't get a call until 5:25pm! I thought for sure I was going to explode if they didn't call to confirm. When they called I called every family member and close friend and let them know. I have never heard my family and friends scream so loud in my life. Everyone was crying and screaming it was a moment I will never forget! The doctor did tell me my progesterone was a little low so I will need to take progesterone until it gets better. I went today for more blood tests and my HCG level is really good and my progesterone is doing good too! That was a relief! I need to go to the doctors every two days so they can monitor my hormone levels and when I am six weeks they will do an ultrasound to make sure the baby is not ectopic.
Please keep praying for Tom and I! I really just can't thank everyone enough for there love and support!
P.S. If you were wondering who this post was written about, it's me!
I want to give an enormous thank you to everyone that was with me during this trying time in my life. I can not express how grateful I am to all the prayers and shoulders that I cried on through all of the treatments and disappointments. Come to find out people were praying for me and I never even knew which makes me even happier! I feel so blessed and am glad that I have such a great "support group!"
I had my suspicions I was pregnant when I didn't get my period on vacation (since it has been very regular). I decided Sunday that I was going to take a home test on Monday when I woke up before work. I did and nearly had a stroke! Instantly it popped up positive! I almost fell to the ground I couldn't believe my eyes! I must have looked back at the box 20 times to make sure I was reading the test correctly. Once I was certain of the result I called the Tom and told him the good news! We both agreed I needed to check with the doctor first. I called the RE as soon as they opened and they told me to come on in. I called Mom and told her and then called L and told her. Of course they both wanted to come with me so they both went with me to my blood test, can you tell we were all excited! I had my blood drawn at 8:45 and didn't get a call until 5:25pm! I thought for sure I was going to explode if they didn't call to confirm. When they called I called every family member and close friend and let them know. I have never heard my family and friends scream so loud in my life. Everyone was crying and screaming it was a moment I will never forget! The doctor did tell me my progesterone was a little low so I will need to take progesterone until it gets better. I went today for more blood tests and my HCG level is really good and my progesterone is doing good too! That was a relief! I need to go to the doctors every two days so they can monitor my hormone levels and when I am six weeks they will do an ultrasound to make sure the baby is not ectopic.
Please keep praying for Tom and I! I really just can't thank everyone enough for there love and support!
P.S. If you were wondering who this post was written about, it's me!
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Thoughts After Midnight.
I was doing wash and hung my bras up to air dry. I had walked past them a few times. For some reason about the third time I walked past I thought, damn would you look at that. My one bra that I used to wear is gi-normous and my other bra looks way smaller next to it. It really helped to put things in perspective. I know it was just two bras hanging up in the mud room but I can't help but wonder if it was that oh so subtle sign from God. As if he was telling me, "Look how good your doing, don't get discouraged, get back on track!" Some of you read that and thought how loonie I must be, but I must admit I wonder. In case you needed to see what I am talking about, here is a pic showing the difference:
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Religion (I need to vent!)
It absolutely infuriates me to hear people talking about religion and they know nothing about it!!! (or) what they know is wrong can not be backed up by anything stated in the Bible! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
I am not saying that I am the authority on Christianity but I do know a tad bit more than an non-Christian ( and some alleged Christians). I went to a Christian school from Pre-K until 5th grade. I used to go to church and youth group all the time, but now I just go to church randomly. So there, by no means am I perfect. But I understand what the Bible says. I know when I am sinning and when I am saying something that is not in the Bible. Oh wait, that's right, I don't do that because if I am not sure if it is in the Bible, then I won't claim it to be "Christian."
Is this becoming a blanket term? Is everyone claiming to be Christian but not living as they should? I am very confused.
Okay I have got that out of my system! Thanks for listening!
I am not saying that I am the authority on Christianity but I do know a tad bit more than an non-Christian ( and some alleged Christians). I went to a Christian school from Pre-K until 5th grade. I used to go to church and youth group all the time, but now I just go to church randomly. So there, by no means am I perfect. But I understand what the Bible says. I know when I am sinning and when I am saying something that is not in the Bible. Oh wait, that's right, I don't do that because if I am not sure if it is in the Bible, then I won't claim it to be "Christian."
Is this becoming a blanket term? Is everyone claiming to be Christian but not living as they should? I am very confused.
Okay I have got that out of my system! Thanks for listening!
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Quilt Of Holes
My mom sent this to me in an email, just thought I would share.
As I faced my Maker at the last judgment,
I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.
Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles;
An angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a
tapestry that is our life.
But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile,
I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was.
They were filled with giant holes.
Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult,
the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life.
I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.
I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares.
Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were
filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune.
I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.
My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together,
threadbare and empty, like binding air.
Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up
to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn
holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been.
My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise.
My gaze dropped to the ground in shame.
I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter.
But there had also been trials of illness, and wealth, and false
accusations
that took from me my world, as I knew it.
I had to start over many times.
I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow
muster the strength to pick up and begin again.
I spent many nights on my knees in prayer,
asking for help and guidance in my life.
I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully,
each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt
within
my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who
unfairly judged me.
And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and
I had to accept it for what it was I rose and slowly lifted the combined
squares of my life to the light.
An awe-filled gasp filled the air.
I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.
Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me.
Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ.
Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes.
He said, "Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life,
My hardships, and My struggles.
Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let
Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you."
May all our quilts be threadbare and worn,
allowing Christ to shine through!
As I faced my Maker at the last judgment,
I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.
Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles;
An angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a
tapestry that is our life.
But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile,
I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was.
They were filled with giant holes.
Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult,
the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life.
I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.
I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares.
Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were
filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune.
I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.
My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together,
threadbare and empty, like binding air.
Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up
to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn
holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been.
My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise.
My gaze dropped to the ground in shame.
I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter.
But there had also been trials of illness, and wealth, and false
accusations
that took from me my world, as I knew it.
I had to start over many times.
I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow
muster the strength to pick up and begin again.
I spent many nights on my knees in prayer,
asking for help and guidance in my life.
I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully,
each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt
within
my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who
unfairly judged me.
And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and
I had to accept it for what it was I rose and slowly lifted the combined
squares of my life to the light.
An awe-filled gasp filled the air.
I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.
Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me.
Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ.
Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes.
He said, "Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life,
My hardships, and My struggles.
Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let
Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you."
May all our quilts be threadbare and worn,
allowing Christ to shine through!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
And Then The Least Expected Happens...
Most of you that read this blog regularly know that I am "infertile." This is due to a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).
Almost everyone I know has been very supportive through this trying time that I have had with all of this. I thank you all. I have cried, on several occasions with snot running down my face to my best friends, my husband and my mom. It is probably the most frustrating thing that I have EVER had to deal with in my life. The worst part is, is that it is my own body, it can not be blamed on anyone else, it is my fault, something that God has given me to deal with. I know that he chose me because I am strong, I can handle this. At times I feel like I can go no further dealing with this, but I do. I could sit around and let depression swell over me but I don't and I won't.
I don't think anyone can truly understand what it is like to try for years to get pregnant and it doesn't happen, unless they or someone they know has gone through this. This is evident to me with everyday life and how careless some people are in the way that they treat you. They will ask you how everything is going with trying to get pregnant and in the next breath they will tell you that they are pregnant or trying, or they will tell you, yeah I think I might have a second child. In which your broken heart breaks a little more and you think to yourself really did you just say this all in one breath? But they did and they will because they are ignorant to the way that you feel and how hard this is on you. I can't blame them I suppose, they are so caught in what they are feeling that they don't care about me. That's fine, because I too am so caught in how awful I feel that I don't care about the happiness they are feeling. Selfish, perhaps.
But then yesterday something different happened. My friend Kathy who I have been friends with for about four years instant messages me at work and we are talking back and forth. She always asks me how is everything going with the doctors, am I pregnant, am I going back to the doctors, etc. And then the least expected happened, I just finished telling her that whatever happens, happens. I am putting it in God's hands, I won't rush him anymore, obviously he has a plan for me that for right now does not involve children. She wrote back, I will have a baby for you. I wrote, Thanks, I think I might cry. She wrote, I am being serious, I understand that it would be your egg and Tom's sperm and I would just be carrying it for you. To which I replied, Thank you, I know you are serious, I will keep that in mind. She then reassured me again that she was very serious and that she wanted to do that for me if I wanted her to.
Can you believe that? I can't believe that she loves me so much that she would carry my baby for me! I was so in awe of her caring gesture that I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. It seemed like such a random conversation to have on a Monday morning, but it was very meaningful to me. I will keep what she says in mind and when I completely exhaust my efforts on my end, I am quite sure that I will turn to her. It is nice to know that I have that to fall back on and that maybe if things don't work out for me she will be able to help Tom and I have a baby.
Almost everyone I know has been very supportive through this trying time that I have had with all of this. I thank you all. I have cried, on several occasions with snot running down my face to my best friends, my husband and my mom. It is probably the most frustrating thing that I have EVER had to deal with in my life. The worst part is, is that it is my own body, it can not be blamed on anyone else, it is my fault, something that God has given me to deal with. I know that he chose me because I am strong, I can handle this. At times I feel like I can go no further dealing with this, but I do. I could sit around and let depression swell over me but I don't and I won't.
I don't think anyone can truly understand what it is like to try for years to get pregnant and it doesn't happen, unless they or someone they know has gone through this. This is evident to me with everyday life and how careless some people are in the way that they treat you. They will ask you how everything is going with trying to get pregnant and in the next breath they will tell you that they are pregnant or trying, or they will tell you, yeah I think I might have a second child. In which your broken heart breaks a little more and you think to yourself really did you just say this all in one breath? But they did and they will because they are ignorant to the way that you feel and how hard this is on you. I can't blame them I suppose, they are so caught in what they are feeling that they don't care about me. That's fine, because I too am so caught in how awful I feel that I don't care about the happiness they are feeling. Selfish, perhaps.
But then yesterday something different happened. My friend Kathy who I have been friends with for about four years instant messages me at work and we are talking back and forth. She always asks me how is everything going with the doctors, am I pregnant, am I going back to the doctors, etc. And then the least expected happened, I just finished telling her that whatever happens, happens. I am putting it in God's hands, I won't rush him anymore, obviously he has a plan for me that for right now does not involve children. She wrote back, I will have a baby for you. I wrote, Thanks, I think I might cry. She wrote, I am being serious, I understand that it would be your egg and Tom's sperm and I would just be carrying it for you. To which I replied, Thank you, I know you are serious, I will keep that in mind. She then reassured me again that she was very serious and that she wanted to do that for me if I wanted her to.
Can you believe that? I can't believe that she loves me so much that she would carry my baby for me! I was so in awe of her caring gesture that I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. It seemed like such a random conversation to have on a Monday morning, but it was very meaningful to me. I will keep what she says in mind and when I completely exhaust my efforts on my end, I am quite sure that I will turn to her. It is nice to know that I have that to fall back on and that maybe if things don't work out for me she will be able to help Tom and I have a baby.
Monday, February 26, 2007
What A Busy Weekend!
Friday, I skipped work took a personal day and went to Lancaster with best friend, her mom, her mom-mom, her aunt and her great aunt. Super fun! All of us drove up in her mom's minivan and on the way the question was asked, Is anyone buying furniture? Everyone answered No! Well, we ended up coming back with a five foot by three foot mirror, a small wooden bench, a small telephone table, a ginormous wreath and a ton of shopping bags! Yes, we were jam packed! It was so funny though that all you could do is laugh! Everyone had bags at there feet, to there side, in there laps! The wreath was propped against her aunt's shoulder and the humongous mirror. We had one brush with death when a crazy man tried to kill us on a one lane road. But, I must say a good time was had by all!
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Saturday was really fun too, I went with by best friend Emily to lunch and then we went and had our nails done. When I got home from that the husband and I took my mom and dad to Hibachi for dinner. It was a lot of fun and then afterwards we went back to there house and talked at the dinner table until my brother brought my nieces and then we left shortly after. (By then we had been there a few hours and were ready to head home)
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Sunday was Makayla and Jordan's christening. There mother has decided to baptize them Catholic and since Tom is the only one that had completed all of his sacraments he was Godfather to both girls. I was Godmother to Makayla and Nicole (My sister-in-law's sister) was Godmother to Jordan. It was a very nice ceremony and went off with out a hitch! The girls looked so pretty in there dresses! Since Makayla is three she was a little talkative so I said, you have to be quite and listen. She said, I am whispering like you told me. I said, no talking, don't say anything! She listened to that fairly well! At the beginning she wanted her Mammie (my mom) but when I explained that she had to sit with me she was okay. During part of the ceremony you answer things that the priests says so he list a bunch of questions and after each one the Godparents had to say "I do." Makayla informed me to stop saying I do. She is hilarious! I guess she figured if I told her to stop talking she was going to make sure I followed my own rule!
**************************************************************
Saturday was really fun too, I went with by best friend Emily to lunch and then we went and had our nails done. When I got home from that the husband and I took my mom and dad to Hibachi for dinner. It was a lot of fun and then afterwards we went back to there house and talked at the dinner table until my brother brought my nieces and then we left shortly after. (By then we had been there a few hours and were ready to head home)
*********************************************************
Sunday was Makayla and Jordan's christening. There mother has decided to baptize them Catholic and since Tom is the only one that had completed all of his sacraments he was Godfather to both girls. I was Godmother to Makayla and Nicole (My sister-in-law's sister) was Godmother to Jordan. It was a very nice ceremony and went off with out a hitch! The girls looked so pretty in there dresses! Since Makayla is three she was a little talkative so I said, you have to be quite and listen. She said, I am whispering like you told me. I said, no talking, don't say anything! She listened to that fairly well! At the beginning she wanted her Mammie (my mom) but when I explained that she had to sit with me she was okay. During part of the ceremony you answer things that the priests says so he list a bunch of questions and after each one the Godparents had to say "I do." Makayla informed me to stop saying I do. She is hilarious! I guess she figured if I told her to stop talking she was going to make sure I followed my own rule!
Thursday, February 22, 2007
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