I'm not for resolutions of the New Year's variety. But I am very aware of a few things that need to be changed in my life. Last night I started cleaning the house after Tom and I had a movie night with the kids. I started scrubbing the tub and my knee as usual was in pain and feeling like it didn't want to bend. I finally get my joints working only to have to get back up and proceed to limp around. Tom just so happened to be standing behind me as I was going through the motions.
He finally says: "What is wrong with you, your knees, your elbows, it's always something."
To which I replied: "I'm too fat combined with getting older and it's killing my joints."
T: "Then do something about it, go on a diet."
Me: "I plan on it I just don't know what I want to do."
The truth is for the past month I've really been psyching myself up to pick a plan and stick to it. The fear of failing has left me with reservations on getting started on my endeavors.
I'm about 80% sure of the path I want to take to lose weight. I know enough that a diet alone is not going to save me. If that were the case I'd have been skinny years ago. My battle is of the mental variety and once I get done making excuses and telling myself I'll not make it; I'll be able to get something done. What I need most from others is support and kindness and not everyone in my life offering me "good advice." I really dislike when people try to help me lose weight as weird as that may seem. If I tell someone I lost five pounds the last thing I want to hear is "ooh, I have a recipe for sugar free cookies" or any other "healthy" item. As nice is that is to share a recipe; I don't want your recipe. I'd rather have a kind/encouraging word or silence.
I've come to realize I am highly addicted to junk and because of that, changing the way I eat feels like a never ending battle. I crave crappy food and when I'm trying to rid myself of sugar/sweets/junk I don't want any substitutions. By eating the substitutions I'm still allowing my body to crave sweets/junk thus prolonging a seemingly unending cycle to just stop craving them altogether. I need to eat healthy and I don't want sugar-free, fat-free, low-sodium processed substitutions to get me through it.
This year is going to be about discipline and perseverance. I will train myself to stick to this even when I really don't want to.
