shining light

After months (years?) of testing and evaluations from various sources we finally have a diagnosis for Carter.

He has anxiety disorder (not specified) and oppositional defiance disorder (ODD). In addition he has sensory processing disorder.

I'm not sold on ODD for him because if you are a nearly five year old with anxiety that likely stems from sensory processing and a speech delay, you may appear to have ODD. Makes sense right? In truth it's likely his reaction while he is trying to make sense of everything around him. The sensory processing breaks my heart. He has to try SO much harder to process and keep it together every day then say you or I. I can't imagine how he must feel.

On the flip side, I am very hopeful that he will learn to cope with his triggers as he gets older and it will get easier for him.

His speech is still not well so he will continue his speech therapy for this year and all of Kindergarten next year. If that would get easier for him I imagine other aspects of his life would improve. I can see how frustrating it is for him to try to explain something but his words don't come out quite right.

He is currently receiving speech at school. They also recommend OT for his sensory processing and therapy for the anxiety so we've got a good game plan in place.

Wow, It's Practically December.

Thanksgiving without family was strange and yet good. One of my best friends asked me how my Thanksgiving went and I told her: I cooked, the kids played video games and Tom napped the majority of the day so he could go to work for 12 hours at 5:30; so yeah it's pretty much how Norman Rockwell portrayed it.

To add to our talents we spent the ENTIRE DAY in pajamas...heaven.

Working Black Friday is the pits. Pits I tell you. It's such a tease to have off that one day and then the next day you should be shopping or decorating for Christmas. I'm pretty sure this is a law somewhere.

Instead...

I worked and got home a touch early, grabbed dinner and then headed out to get a Christmas Tree before Tom went to work. We had enough time to get the tree in the stand before he needed to leave.

Alas, the day was not a total loss.

It's now time for me to relax and stare at my gorg Christmas tree which has the heavenly smell of Christmas pouring from it's branches. Oh hark, my tree's trunk is as crooked as a dog's hind leg...this is totally typical for my life.

The weekend...in pictures

Hannie was awarded "responsible student" she was nominated by her teacher for her excellent behavior...this girl is amazing. 

We spent a chilly afternoon on the soccer field for the last game of the season. Our team won 3-2 ironically the 2 goals for the other team were kicked in by our team...the fun of PreK through 1st grade sports. 

Amelia is my new night time buddy. She's going through the splendid phase of not sleeping, yay! (Said no parent ever) 

And why must boys do this to their pants...constant. 

evaluation station

This week has been quite the week.

Tuesday, I was looking forward to a day off from work and getting Carter's psych evaluation out of the way. As luck would have it Tom and I developed food poisoning from a bad batch of milk and it lasted until Wednesday, ugh. We persevered on and took our sweet boy out to his appointment and I may have taken a nap in the waiting room while he did his alone portion of the eval. We don't know anything from this appt. but we will learn more when we return for a follow up on Nov. 19th.

Wednesday, I stayed home from work due to above food poisoning incident which I didn't realize of course that it was milk until I had two more servings. I thought I'd have a lovely day of relaxation and  resting while the poison got out of my system. Then the roofers came and installed a roof...all day long.

Today, I took a half day from work to continue with evaluations. This time through the school district for Carter's IEP. He had a speech eval and then met with the occupational therapist. He was by himself for both evaluations but I did get to speak with the occupational therapist at the end because she had more questions for me about Carter. I was interested to find out that there is a term for Carter's behavior and admittedly it made me cry when I came home and read more into it. She mentioned his behavior suggested he may have Proprioceptive Dysfunction. If you know Carter you will read that article in the link and say to yourself "Holy Shit, he does all of these things!" With this new bit of information I'm now wondering what is next for my boy? What does this mean for him?

As if we don't have enough going on in life I attended "Leadership Orientation" for Girl Scouts. I'm really trying to push myself out of my comfort zone. 

yasssss!

So, my pants DON'T fit and it's because they are TOO big. This is heaven.

I realized over the past weeks that my pants have been feeling more loose. I thought they were just getting old and worn out. Then, my Mom sent me new pants for my birthday and they were super loose. Well, come to find out I've lost nearly THIRTY pounds. I didn't really think I had done anything much different in my life, but now that I'm some how by a miracle of God shedding this weight it has motivated me to keep pushing forward. 

Some of my friends will never believe what I'm about to say next; are you ready for this? I. drink. water. Insert shreaks here. I've began to drink water throughout the day and it's not all that horrible. I also take the steps at work all the time. This is something that would never occur previously. Every day at work I take the steps and think I just may die but I haven't given up.

So pray for my soul that I keep up the good work. 'Cause I really don't want to be one of those heavy set ladies walking with a cane.

(Please note pants pulled way up and handfuls of material in the legs) 

tenth

Ten years of anything in life is a long time. Ten years of marriage goes by in a blink. A BLINK. We started this journey together back in September of 1998 as two stupid kids who couldn't be separated. After six years together we finally got married. Today, I've been flooded with memories of this life together. We had struggles with infertility and after many failed attempts and a surgery we were blessed with three beautiful children. We've moved four times and the latest and greatest being nearly 1,200 miles away from our family. We've been broke and we've been flush. It's been a good life, with a fair share of hardships and blessings. I'm so thankful the hardships didn't break us and the blessings continue to pour in.  

Cheers to my husband that he continues to love me for many, many more years...

cheers to October

It's the most wonderful month ever created, no?

Tommy-gun found a job this past week, whoop-whoop! Since accepting his current job he's been contacted for three other jobs, true story. 

October makes me miss my besties something fierce. It's a time when we meet for my birthday and spend a day in Lancaster shopping and eating. Our little tradition. There will be none of that this year.

I'll be turning THIRTY on the 12th of this month; who'd of thunk. Talking with my Dad he reminded me "I'm getting old" and then followed it with a "shit, I'm getting old...I'm 64." That man cracks me up.

Other fun events this month are Tom and I's 10th wedding anniversary on the 9th. It's so funny to think about time and all that it swallows up. I feel like we were just married and here it is 10 years and three babies later. 

I'm still on my quest for an awesome church like we had back in Delaware. There are a TON of baptist mega churches and approx. two churches in the PCA. One of the churches is Korean. Ho-hum....navigating new churches is kind of scary. 

Han and Car are doing soccer now, this has been a fun experience. They have their second game this coming Saturday and at last nights practice Carter scored his first goal!

A Shimmering Glimmer of Hope!?!?

We finally moved to Missouri, lets add this to the blogs record books! A long time dream of Tom and I that finally came true. We've been here since the end of July and still love it just as much and are thankful that the grass was greener on the other side.

Hannah and Carter have started school. Hannie is doing really good, I love her teacher and how her school is run is just the best! Carter is having a harder time at school but that's his norm. He started the 2nd of this month and we've already had two reports of bad behavior. No doubt his teacher probably thinks he has no home training; I'm hopeful it gets better soon. Amelia is such a curious little girl, she's ready for school but is being ornery about the whole potty training as of late. Hopefully soon we can dedicate a weekend to potty.

I recently found a new pediatrician. At first I was questioning my decision when the obnoxious receptionist canceled my appt but we were re-scheduled for the next day and the doctor is WONDERFUL! He's an older, no non-sense gentleman. He saw right off the bat that Carter needs some help so we are getting ready to go through more pysch evals and therapy. I think in my own mind I've finally made peace with knowing there is nothing I could have done differently to change him and that's okay. So we'll be swimming in IEP's, evaluations and doctors appointments for the near future as we look to find a solution and restore some semblance of order in our household. 

As some of you know Carter has not been diagnosed officially with anything due to age, needing more input, etc. The new doctor is leaning towards possible depression and oppositional defiance disorder. The ODD was no surprise as I'm familiar with that behaviour from other kiddos in my life but the depression I had to google. Guys, he has nearly every "sign/symptom." Of course more will be evaluated to see if that's the case but I would say from what I've been reading that is the most fitting and unfortunately it runs in the family so it's not that far off. 

Tom has not found a new job as of yet so please keep us in your prayers with all the changes that are going on in our lives, we really appreciate it!

Just Keep Swimming...

The house is sold and I have to constantly remind myself not just run to the heartland right this very second. We are a lot closer in the quest to move West, woo-hoo! I had the kind of day at work in which I tell myself this is the last straw but then there's always another day, I suppose. Originally Tom and I had worked out that we were going to have the kids stay in school one more year while we pay off/down debts. Today has me feeling more like I will use the kid's tuition money to rent and gas up the U-Haul and get the heck on out of here. My sensible side tells me that sounds insane and the other side of me is saying that's the greatest idea I've had all year. I can report that finding jobs in the boot heel is easier said then done; there appears to be nothing out there. So...I might have to transfer to Springfield, MO or Overland Park, KS (if they want me) and hope Tom can find a job?!?!?

Additional lessons learned for today: don't ask your parents advice on moving. This will turn into a guilt trip and may involve tears.

Square One, More or Less

It must have been about three or four weeks ago. I was driving to work and I just started to cry and thank God and thank God and thank God! It was the first time in a long while when it felt like things are working out; that light at the end of a long tunnel is brighter. I couldn't have been more grateful, happy and overwhelmed with joy.


And then today I'm driving to work and I start to cry. Only this time it was the crushing feeling of defeat. Everyone and I mean everyone; his teachers, aides, therapists, Tom and I, friends and family we've all played a part in helping Carter get to where he is and just like that he regressed. There are so many words and yet not enough words to describe how I feel. Today I feel crushed. I think that tomorrow I'll be lifted up and get a game plan on getting my boy back on the straight and narrow. Then I'm reminded there never really will be any straight and narrow for him if I'm being honest with myself. There is no clear cut path; there is no quick fix. This is going to be long and hard and it's okay to cry.


The short of it:

Carter has reverted back to how he was behaving in the beginning of the school year. He's unable to sit and focus on a task. He's become very chatty. His teachers are still not able to understand all of the words he says. He's playing too rough. He's sucking/chewing on clothing (this is new).  And so on.

Does he need counseling? Does he need his Aide back? Should he be on medicine? Who's to say, but I hope that tomorrow will bring my mind clarity on what to do next.