red again, amongst other things

Sheesh, so we're still doing our Friday appointments with Carter with the exception of last Friday because work has been a mother and I couldn't get away. The Friday before that we took Amelia with us for the first time. The appointment went pretty well I thought. He did have a time out for throwing toys but recovered quickly. Other than that no great changes, good or bad, in behavior. The over abundance of praising was mentioned again. This time in the form of keeping a little chart on an index card that you take with you to the store and give him a star every time he does something well. I must have less brain cells then other Moms out there because I have a hard time paying attention to all three kids while shopping for food and also remembering to praise my child for sitting still. Maybe with practice.

Carter's face is red again, I could just say a thousand cusses. I noticed it did look a little red and thought it could be strawberries because I hadn't bought them in a little while. Then I gave him watermelon and bumps appeared. At first I wonder to myself, "really? how much more must this child endure?" And then I'm like "settle down sailor, this ain't the end of the world." So I sucked up my frustration and scheduled him to have allergy testing again. I never really cared for his last allergist and felt they did the testing too soon to the time that we gave Carter benadryl. We'll be visiting the new allergist in May and avoiding red fruits until then.

Amelia is a comical little child. She's like a little quiet observer and just when you think you've got everyone entertained and occupied you notice her trying to scale the dining room table. Clearly climbing furniture is much more fun than any toy we can supply. She would also make an excellent homeless person as she is in the dig-through-trash-and-eat-what-she-can-find stage. Mmm, yum! Yesterday, she was enthralled with a sight book with different pictures of just about everything and was pointing and talking to herself. I wish I would have recorded her because it was too cute.

Hannah-banana is my little sidekick, I can't believe she's five and going to be in kindergarten next year. Where have these years gone? She is addicted to using sharpies and recently asked for an entire set of them from Staples, I'm sure to rue this purchase ;) Han really loves school and learning about God. I think we had a 20 minute or more discussion about Jesus dying on the cross. Not quite sure she understands it completely but baby steps, the seeds are being planted.

I recently received a call back to schedule the results of Carter psych evaluation. They offered this past 22nd of March or April 2nd or 5th. I was ready to jump on the 22nd but knew with Tom's firm work schedule there may not be enough room to budge with a 2:00 appointment. This week is my attempt at patience, I'm trying not to be antsy but wanting desperately to know what the doctors have to say. April 2nd at 2:00 Tom and I will meet with the doctors and hear what's going on with our boy.

I feel Tom and I are doing the best for our children and have had a few friends, family and even doctors tell us we are doing the right thing and that it's good we started now. Then you have the one conversation with your dearest, oldest friend right there in the middle of the Whole Foods cheese department where you are both in tears because she is just SO proud of you as a Mom and thinks you're doing a great job. Those are the reassuring moments you need most. That touched my heart so deeply that I cry now just reliving it in my mind.

Well that the highlights of our lives right at this second, folks. Let's please pray for Carter and all that is going on and maybe for me to have continued patience and understanding with everything being thrown our way ;)

That Was Quick

As I sleepily drug myself out of bed I wondered where on earth the weekend went? Losing one hour in order to spring forward feels like I sprung forward an entire day. Sheesh, I need Monday off to recover. :)

Friday...

Tom, Carter and I headed off for our now weekly behaviour clinic. We had a new rotation come through and now have a new clinician. Her name is Glori Gray which is an awesome name for a super hero. Unfortunately, this was the worst appt we've had thus far. Carter doesn't like change, it gives him terrible anxiety, and he was acting up quite a bit meeting with our new "lady." As a result of the gigantic 6" x 2" block being lunged at her lip we got to focus on time outs for this appointment. The one thing I didn't care for was the advice to remove him from a situation. If you're at a restaurant or a store and he starts to misbehave and you can't get him under control we should give him a time out in the store or make him sit in the car. WTH? This may be fantastic advice for a Mama with one kiddo but not when you have two others to wrangle, usually without your husband. I think I need to meditate on that advice a little more because I left the children's hospital feeling quite defeated and wondering when we won't need to do these modifications to our lives. I'm beginning to realize that answer is never, this is our lives now.


Saturday...

A better day, hooray! We packed up all the kiddos and headed to Washington DC to spend time in the American Girl doll store. Hannah picked her birthday activity since we don't do big parties anymore. She had a fun time getting her doll's hair styled and picking out new things to use her birthday money on. Tom and I got her the Saige doll as her present and she is on cloud nine still over the trip. I was hopeful the day would go well and Carter did really good with a minor meltdown of anxiety at the restaurant. Thankfully, after about 15-20 minutes I got him to settle down. It was a very fun day!


Sunday...

Started off with Nursery duty at church with Hannah and Amelia. Hannah went to the Kid's Church for the first time since she is now five. She absolutely loved it and talked the entire ride home and then some about what she learned. Proudly declaring she is a daughter of God and that boys are sons of God. She can't wait for next week. Sweet little Amelia, she makes life so easy on me not a peep out of her, I love her. After church, followed by peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, we headed to BJ's. We shop at BJ's all the time and never have an incident out of the kids. This visit was really weird and something I've not experienced with Carter before. He is telling us in a worried tone, not loud at all, that he wants to go home and then proceeds to lightly whimper and repeat that he wants to go home, over and over again. His face looked so sad and terrified. Tom and I looked at each other for answers and I told him that he never does this when we come here. Inside I'm thinking "Dear Lord, not another thing, please!" I really dont' know why he was acting so terrified but I hope this isn't the beginning of something new going on with him. My poor guy, I need answers! Sometime after the super quick trip to BJ's, Tom and I headed out to our first IMAX movie. The Great and Powerful OZ was wonderful but I couldn't shake James Franco being a drug using/dealer out of my head from Pineapple Express. Am I the only one? Other than that is was wonderful!

How was your weekend?

One, Two, Three, Four...Fifth!

Hannah celebrated her fifth birthday yesterday, her golden birthday! She went to school with cupcakes and treat bags in tow. We picked her up from school with a large bouquet of balloons. Had lunch at her favorite place-Red Robins. Traveled to Best Buy to pick up Wreck it Ralph at which time the balloon bouquet decided to exit the car. Bought a second bouquet of balloons. Came home and played before heading to the mall later in the evening. Hopefully she had a great birthday despite the balloons blowing away and a few other minor disasters.

Carter had his psychological evaluation while Hannah was at school and my Mom watched Amelia. Nothing to really report about that, it was surprisingly the easiest part of my day. They let him play while they talked to us. We then implemented a clean up time that went pretty well. Next, they tested him while he was buckled into a high chair and all the toys were taken out of the room. They showed him a book with pictures and asked him questions, they worked with red and white blocks, etc. He did not care to be buckled in the high chair and was getting angry at the lady for not letting him out. Tom and I filled out about seven pages of questions in regards to his behavior and then we went to the playground to see how he does in a playground setting. From there we left. The evaluation lasted around two and a half hours. They will give us a call to have us come back and talk about what they found during his evaluation.

Yesterday was a hard day for me, I think the easiest part of the day was taking Carter to the Children's Hospital which is saying a lot. After the balloons blew away the day went downhill from there. I cut my finger (which still hurts), Carter jumped on my back (which also still hurts), Carter choked and threw up at the dinner table because of his paper eating obsession and to top it all off he jumped into the mall water fountain and was completely drenched and choking on water. Yeah, it was a long day for sure.

I'm sure one day I'll look back and laugh at some of these shenanigans but today is not that day.

p.r.i.d.e.

Our weekly behavior clinic appointment was today.

Today went really well, we learned about P.R.I.D.E. It is basically a way to provide your child with a "special time" that you dedicate to just your child everyday. It's a little different then the normal playing with your kids that we do. It is one on one and no other kids are to be around. During this particular time you announce that it is time for "special time." You then let the child lead the activity, it could be playing trucks or using the toy kitchen; whatever they want to do. You do not ask them any questions, not even things like "Is that a horse?" You don't give any commands and you don't discipline or correct them. If they pick up a horse and say "look a giraffe," you would reply "Yes, you think that's a giraffe."
P.R.I.D.E represents:

• Praise appropriate behavior
• Reflect appropriate talk 
• Imitate appropriate play
• Describe appropriate behavior
• be Enthusiastic

Playtime stops immediately if there is aggressive/destructive behavior. If its something minor liking throwing a cup, ignore that and wait for them to pick the cup up. When they do let them know they did a good job picking the cup up and that you really like that.

I will say, I'm not a SUPER enthusiastic person, ever. It feels like all of the advice Tom and I have received is making us much better at giving praise and being enthusiastic. This new type of parenting feels like we praise the tiniest thing; "Thanks for walking quietly in the hallway." Which to me is not something I would normally think to praise. However, I've come to realize that the constant affirmation of good behavior is deterring some (not all) negative behavior. It's been a good thing for our family and I'm anxious to hear more advice.

Plans for next week include a four hour psychological evaluation on Tuesday and another behavior clinic on Friday. We're making progress :)

speech & development

First experience with the speech folks went pretty well. They picked up on the speech issues pretty quickly.


What Carter is doing with his words is adding "gah and/or kah" where it doesn't belong. A few examples:

• ackle for apple
• Hangah for Hannah
• nanga for banana

He also tends to say what something does instead of saying the name of the item. A few examples:

• Banana is nanga-peel
• soda is soda-spill
• hammer is nail-nail

The developmental issue was harder for them to get a "score" on because he is "so busy." Which basically boils down to the fact that he is attention-deficit. He has that compulsive urge to wonder about looking at what he want and he isn't hearing and absorbing the information he is being given.

Our next step will be a meeting to discuss what they found during this study and to discuss any services that Carter will qualify for. He may possibly qualify for the Head Start Program, etc.

At home we will be working on:

• Clapping out our words so that we are slowing down and providing better articulation when we are teaching him
• Bringing items to our face to talk about them and speaking slowly and clearly. This will help him to look at our face and get his attention
• Practicing sounds and using our lips to show him "pppp, Apple." etc...

behavior modification...for everyone

We had our second visit today with the behavior clinic at our local children's hospital. It was a good visit and we received a lot of tips and advice on what to do with Carter. She refers to him as a more "spirited" child and because of this Tom and I need to modify the way that we parent. Once we modify the way be parent we should then see the effects the change has on Carter. Somethings she said we are currently doing so no change is needed. Other things we need to do that we are not currently doing. I'm a little anxious about the whole process but more so to see if this helps with the oppositional behavior.

Things we'll be working on:

• Praising quiet play and telling him "Carter thank you so much for playing quietly, you're doing such a good job rolling your truck." This will affirm his behavior when he's behaving well and also help him with his speech/development to show him you're rolling a truck.Which also means quiet time is no longer time for washing dishes or throwing a load of laundry in. We will need to be near him, watching what he is doing and praising the quiet, good behavior.
• Ignoring bad behavior. For instance if Carter is rolling a truck you praise him for doing a good job but if he then begins to bang his truck into the wall you ignore him. When he plays nicely again you then praise him for doing a good job.
• Forcing him to work through his anxiety. When he doesn't want to go to the bathroom because it is "yucky" we force him to sit on the toilet any ways. This was one we currently do but can also be applied to other compulsive behavior. He has a tendency to do things in a certain way and she said that we should encourage him to get out of those behaviors as well. For example he puts all of his cars away and then puts the animal toys away last. We need to help him to push through having things in a certain order.
• Avoid using "no, don't, stop, behave, gentle" words. Instead if he's touching things you tell him to put his hands in his pockets or in his lap. This way you are giving him a specific direction to take instead of telling him he can't do something.
• No yelling, this one is obvious but is sometimes hard to achieve.
• Work on timeouts taking place on a chair or special spot as opposed to sending him to his room.
• Don't phrase things as a question but as a command. Instead of saying things like: "I think, we should, lets" you would say: "It is time to clean up" and then follow it with a certain task, "put the blocks in the bucket."
• Never give more than one command at a time as that will cause confusion and don't give too many commands so that he feels like he is constantly being corrected.
• Never use complex words that he will not understand, simple, short words are best.
• Be consistent.

I think this will be good. While some of these behavior changes are obvious, unless you hear it from someone you may not notice that the way you are phrasing your words can be an issue.

If this doesn't help and we are still receiving a lot of opposition we will be venturing down a different path.

To be continued next Friday...

another chapter

You know, I've debated whether I want to write about this and initially I wasn't going to. But now I feel like it's starting to eat at my thoughts and if I can write down what's going on it will help me to get it out and breath a little easier. And by chance it may end up helping me later on down the line with a problem that I don't yet know exists.

It's about Carter. I love him, as much as any mother loves her son. That part goes without saying.

We've been struggling for three years with different issues and noticing quirky things here and there. Tom and I finally decided to call our local children's hospital to have him evaluated. It was oddly a hard decision for me. I think as a parent you only want to ever see the good in your children. The thought of something being "wrong" no matter how major or minor throws me off a bit. Even now I still find myself in denial and telling myself there's nothing wrong and then that quirky particular-ness comes out and reassures me I'm doing the right thing. Answers are better than questions, right?

I called around the end of November and was put on the waiting list. Last week we finally got the call wanting to know if we could come in that Friday for the initial behavioral consultation. Tom and I agreed to the 45 minute long consult and started to map out the days events. Like most things in life they rarely go according to our plans. It snowed that morning and DelDot didn't bother to salt the roads and I think we were a total of 25 minutes late for the appointment that we waited six weeks to have scheduled. They were very understanding and let us have our appointment, albeit shortened, it was kind of them just the same. In that short amount of time the clinician picked up on two concerns. One was speech which was the one I expected the other of all things was possible OCD.

It was like a light bulb went off. I never, not once, thought of him to have OCD. It makes perfect sense the way he needs to have things just so and why no matter the amount of reprimand the same events happen.

A few main triggers Tom and I have picked up on:

• cutting his food...don't do this ever
• sticky/dirty hands
• the potty is "gross"

There are more things than that but those are the big ones that we see the biggest breakdown about. It's like watching a child have a tantrum but to the tenth power. I don't know that you can truly appreciate what I'm talking about without seeing it. Fortunately, I guess I'll use that word, the clinician had the chance to see one of the "potty is gross" meltdowns complete with Carter shoving and hitting my legs while screaming at me and crying. It was super fun and made me want to cry right there in the doctor's office. It hurts my heart that he may have to deal with having "issues" and he's only three.

Once that appointment concluded they wanted to go ahead and set up an appointment for a psychological evaluation with them. I was also given the information to call the school district to start the process for the speech and developmental studies. 

I called the district and they ordered the speech and developmental studies and we are now on a two week waiting list to have that done. The lady was very kind and gave me a lot of useful information over the phone about how the process works. Today the children's hospital called to make his psychological evaluation appointment. It's not until March and we will be there for 3-4 hours when the day finally comes. I got the call at work and even though I knew it was coming it still had a little sting. Hearing the woman tell me she was calling to "set up Carter's psychological evaluation" just seemed like the words didn't belong together.

So here we sit in the research phase, I'm trying to take it all in stride but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a little scary. Next stop will be a behavioral study on the 22nd of this month, time will tell.