One, Two, Three, Four...Fifth!

Hannah celebrated her fifth birthday yesterday, her golden birthday! She went to school with cupcakes and treat bags in tow. We picked her up from school with a large bouquet of balloons. Had lunch at her favorite place-Red Robins. Traveled to Best Buy to pick up Wreck it Ralph at which time the balloon bouquet decided to exit the car. Bought a second bouquet of balloons. Came home and played before heading to the mall later in the evening. Hopefully she had a great birthday despite the balloons blowing away and a few other minor disasters.

Carter had his psychological evaluation while Hannah was at school and my Mom watched Amelia. Nothing to really report about that, it was surprisingly the easiest part of my day. They let him play while they talked to us. We then implemented a clean up time that went pretty well. Next, they tested him while he was buckled into a high chair and all the toys were taken out of the room. They showed him a book with pictures and asked him questions, they worked with red and white blocks, etc. He did not care to be buckled in the high chair and was getting angry at the lady for not letting him out. Tom and I filled out about seven pages of questions in regards to his behavior and then we went to the playground to see how he does in a playground setting. From there we left. The evaluation lasted around two and a half hours. They will give us a call to have us come back and talk about what they found during his evaluation.

Yesterday was a hard day for me, I think the easiest part of the day was taking Carter to the Children's Hospital which is saying a lot. After the balloons blew away the day went downhill from there. I cut my finger (which still hurts), Carter jumped on my back (which also still hurts), Carter choked and threw up at the dinner table because of his paper eating obsession and to top it all off he jumped into the mall water fountain and was completely drenched and choking on water. Yeah, it was a long day for sure.

I'm sure one day I'll look back and laugh at some of these shenanigans but today is not that day.

Limbo Land

That's kind of where I'm at right now with this pregnancy. After Thursday's doctors appointment resulted in being admitted directly to the High Risk Pregnancy Unit at our local hospital.

I stayed in the hospital for about a day and a half to be observed and to complete a 24 hour urine test as an inpatient. The results of that test were the same as when I did it a month and a half ago, only confirming once again that I have preeclampsia. Shocker.

Initially, I thought that they might take Amelia that day or the next since I was sent to high-risk but obviously that didn't occur. One of the doctors on duty said that the risk of taking her at 36 weeks was too high. Since I now have gestational diabetes Amelia is at a greater risk of having respiratory issues if she is born prior to 37 weeks. Call it mother's intuition but I don't think it's her time just yet and was surprised to have found myself back in the hospital. She is doing very well cooking; it's just my body that is having an adverse reaction.

I think it's safe to say I've finally hit my wall of being good spirited about bed rest and hospital stays. It took a month and a half but I've finally cracked. It feels like fall was ruined, it's my favorite time of year and I can't even enjoy it. I miss not being able to spend as much time with Tom and our kids. I just feel sad. Maybe the coming weeks will be better?

Progress Report with a Dash of History

(The Progress Report)

I'm back on track with my weight-loss and so thankful for that. I lost 5ish pounds since last week and am feeling "skinnier," even if it is all in my head ;)

I stumbled quite a bit for the past few months and have been yo-yoing with my weight since about End of July/August. I'm not sure if it was that realization or my new hair cut but I managed to get my butt back in gear and that is what counts.

My initially stumbling was due to your typical pit-falls: vacations, birthdays, more vacations, day trips, weddings, birthdays, repeat, repeat, justify, justify, justify.

I feel good about it once again and hope that feeling stays around awhile!

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(The History)

I first started to become heavy as a child, around age 10 or 11. I was molested and never told anyone.  Instead I chose to eat through my feelings because that is what I could control. By age 12 I was gigantic or so I felt.  In 6th/7th grade I wore a size 18. It was then that I first started "dieting."

It started out with the vegetable soup diet, I lost a good amount of weight on this diet. Then I started taking Meridia around 8th grade into 9th grade to aid me in my weight loss. By the time 9th grade rolled around and I was starting high school I was a magical size 12 and I really felt a lot better about myself. I was "skinny" or so I thought and had a great high school experience. My diet in high school was less than stellar, I would eat cereal bars for breakfast and a diet coke with a butterscotch krimpet for lunch (most days). This was the picture of nutrition.

I ballooned back up slowly but surely and can't quite remember where it all went wrong but I think that in 12th grade spanning into life after high school I became gigantic once again.

For a good while I stayed around a 22/24. Then after a few years of infertility and treatment for such I started to balloon even  further. I finally topped out around 26/28 and even had a few pants that were size 28.  I couldn't believe I let myself get this way. Finally I started to lose weight, lost 30 pounds got pregnant, had baby, lost weight, gained weight.  Lost weight again, had another baby, lost baby weight, gained more weight. It's a vicious cycle. I fell into the trap every time.

This time around I really felt called to lose this weight, my journey started around May and from May to July I lost 35 pounds! I was ecstatic! It was then that I really started looking at the real issue of where this weight issue started in the first place. Being molested. I had never dealt with it. I had told next to no one and it had taken me 16 years to tell my parents. That is insane when I think about it that way.

Finally after all of  these years I'm dealing with it and it stinks. I still  cry when I talk about it, the shame, sadness and anger that I have carried around for all of these years has really taken a toll on my heart. I've gotten to a point where I'm at a stale mate with myself,  Do I continue to go to counseling to deal? What do I expect to come of it? Will this feeling ever go away? Will I ever feel normal? Right now I don't think it will and if I could step into a mind erasing machine, I would.  Since I can't change what I have experienced as a child and the impact that it has left on me; I'll focus on changing my body and I'll need tons of prayer to help me with that!

I know good will come of this someday, I just wish that someday would happen soon.

A Day of Change

Today marks the first day of Tom going back to second shift. It feels weird. I'm sure Han and I will get used to by the end of the week. Both Tom and I have all new daily routines and I think it is a little bit more lonely without him around at nights.

We officially own the house that we live in, yay! Settlement went very smoothly and we have no worries. I did get to thinking while I was there that Tom and I really need a will set up in case we both croak. I'll have to put that on my to-do-list.

I was stunned to hear that Hannah jumped out of her crib today. Tom was in the shower and she decided she didn't want to wait in the crib for him to finish. She jumped out landed on the floor and kept on trucking into the bathroom. I believe Tom said she didn't even cry!

I'm anemic now with this pregnancy. I've been taking iron for about two weeks or somewhere close to that and still feel very tired so I guess I'm just tired. I will also have to have ultrasounds every week until I'm due which begins this Wednesday. This is just to measure the size of the baby and to make sure nothing weird is going on since I have diabetes and HBP.

Labetalol will be the death of me...

I've been taking this medicine since early May when my doctor was concerned my blood pressure was too high. As soon as I started taking it I got sick. Nausea/vomiting and occasional dizziness.

I tried to suck it up thinking my body just needed to adjust and that given time I will be fine. It has now been over a month and I am worse than I started. My blood pressure has come down nicely, the dose was increased about two weeks ago because it was still too high. Since then my pressure has been back to normal. Thankfully. On the other hand I have been experiencing: muscle weakness, headaches, dizziness, nausea, vomiting and occasional light headed. I was super sick all weekend and then yesterday I was super freaked out.

I bent down to give Hannah a hug and kiss and when I got back up I felt extremely light headed, I had to grab the wall to keep from falling over. Then when I was walking into work my purse felt like I was carrying fifty pounds on my shoulder. I got to my desk and knew I wasn't right. I picked up a pen to write with and my arm actually hurt from holding the pen. It was so heavy feeling.  As you can imagine the rest of the day was down hill from there. I got extremely sick and at one point had to put my head on my desk to keep it from spinning so much. I ended up throwing in the towel around 2:00 and leaving work. Prior to leaving work I called my OB so that she could possibly switch my medicine but she hasn't called back yet. If  I don't here anything I am going to call again today.

Has anyone else experienced this with there blood pressure meds? I am usually really good with medicine but this one is tearing me up!

Update: I called the doctor first thing this morning and they returned my call in about 20 minutes. Apparently they accidently deleted my message from yesterday. So I am going in today at 10:15 so we can hopefully get a new game plan.

For The Birds

It's official, I have morning sickness. Never experienced it with Hannah and this time around had been no different. Until this week...

I started taking high blood pressure medicine on Tuesday and ever since I have been sick in the mornings. I thought it was the medicine but it didn't happen at night when I took the second pill. Then just to try it out I hadn't planned on taking the medicine until later in the day. No such luck, the sickness kicked in about thirty minutes after I woke up.

Clearly I was not missing out on anything first pregnancy around. Maybe this time I am having a boy?

Fun Times or Something

• Hannah had a fever that lasted from Thursday until Sunday


• Therefore she woke up Friday morning at 1:30am and did not go back to bed until 7:30am


• I called out of work Friday


• I am still feeling sleep deprived


• Had a super nice day for Mother's day (Thank you Husband and Hannie)


• Went to my first OB appointment today


• NO: Sex, exercise, lifting heavy objects, caffiene or artificial sweetners


• I will be having another C-section


• My blood pressure is high (it's no wonder, see above!)

Ewwie Kazooie

Today I needed to get Hannah in the bath tub really quickly before bedtime. Tom is normally home at night and we tag team her but tonight it was just me. I begin by turning the bath water on and then rushing to get all of the other necessary items...soap, shampoo, lotion, change of clothes, etc. I had only made it to the soap and lotion a mere three feet away and I feel water dripping on my foot. I thought to myself, huh...Hannah must have reached her hand into the water.  Then I feel a lot more water, I look down and the child has a wad of wet toilet paper in her hand. I thought to myself are you serious she must have threw the toilet paper roll in the the bath. I rush into the bathroom with this wet wad of paper in my hand only to discover that the toilet paper roll was indeed intact. I look to my right and see that Hannah had decided it would be a great idea to stick her little hand in to the toilet and grab the toilet paper mommy just used. GROSS! I now have toilet-piss water in my hand, on Hannie and all over the floor and bath rug. Meanwhile I am trying to get a bathtub prepared. As I cuss my stupid toilet that never flushes right...I did indeed flush but was in a hurry and didn't make sure that my bi-polar toilet actually did it's job. I quickly swab the floor with a paper towel and jerk up the bath rug. Guess who will be unexpectedly mopping and washing there bath rug, oh yeah, that's right, me! She's lucky she's so darn cute!  ;-)

Second disgusting thing of the day, which actually occured yesterday but wasn't confirmed until today...Termites! Seriously!

Tom went to let the dog out yesterday afternoon around 4:00 and discovered a mass of flying insects that had died near our back sliding glass door, inside and outside. He hollars for me to come down and take a look. I immediately knew these are termites. We had treated termites and ants last year because the house was just infested with ants and as more of a precautionary measure since we had seen a mud tunnel on the side of the house we bit the bullet and treated for termites. Termite treatment is expensive...so now we have them again and the man told us that we shouldn't see them again that what he uses is the best. So of course I immediately call the man yesterday and let him calmly know that I think we have termites. He thought they could also be swarming ants so he would have to come over and take a look  just to be certain. Well of course today's diagnosis is that they are indeed termites, he genuiely seemed like he felt bad that we had them again and still swore by his product...he was very re-assuring. So Monday we are going to have to have termites treated again. I hope they get them all this time, unfortunately we live on what I refer to as the "wet side of the street" for whatever reason the sun just doesn't shine well on my part of the street. This has led to a lot of fun things like the ant invasion of 08', termites and to top it all off a moldy damp basement...fun times!

It is time's like these that I am grateful to have an exterminator come out quarterly and spray for ants and even more grateful that I still have a warranty on my termite treatment. I just hope for my sanity's sake we get this all straightened out, I am not someone who is terrified of bugs but I would appreciate if they limited themselves to living outdoors only.

Distant Memories

This weekend I had a super fun girls night out with my besties and we had a talk on the way home about age and memories.

Some of us don't care how old we are getting, others would like to have a panic attack. For myself I just miss the fun times, I wish I could bottle them up and slowly release them if I ever start to forget. I will be twenty five this year and it scares me a little about how many things have gone by and what is still to come.

I have those moments when I would just like to freeze time and everything that is happy and wonderful stands still and I can just live in it forever. My most memorable moments are of course my wedding and giving birth to Hannah. With both of those memories I can pretty much tell you second to second about what happened that day. Then there are the other memories- going out with your girlfriends, spending time as a family, visiting fun places. I just wish they didn't all have to end.

It makes me sad and happy to soon be celebrating Hannah's first birthday and I hope that I don't let any of the memories of the year past and the years to come slip away from me!

When Work Ethic Goes Out The Window

A strong work ethic used to count for something.

You used to be rewarded for a job well done...am I right?

Apparently not at the company I work for. I have been here for six years and make well under what everyone else around me makes. I received a promotion in October and they informed me that my monetary increase would occur in February and my manager gave me a rough estimate of what my new salary would be. Ahem, fast forward to January and no such thing has occurred!

I did receive my annual pittance but it did not reflect my new title and job responsibilities. So I talked to my manager she was of no use, I talked to employee relations  no luck there either. I called my HRBP,  same song and dance...The economy.  I really don't care about the reasoning because they should have given me a raise in October and they shouldn't have posted a job if they didn't have the money to pay that person accordingly.

My manager even had nerve enough to tell me that anyone that made $60,000.00 or more did not get a raise. I guess I was supposed to feel sorry for them? I wanted to tell her that I didn't give a rat's a$$.

I am just really appalled at the way they promise things and never follow through, it is just wrong on so many levels.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The Mystery of the Sippy-Cup

How in the world do you get your child to use a sippy cup? This is my great mystery currently. Hannah is not very cooperative when it comes to drinking from a sip-cup or holding her own bottle. I fear it is something I am doing wrong so if anyone out there has a clue on what is best to do I would love to hear it!

In other news it seems like for the past three months Hannah is spitting up constantly. The doctor didn't offer any help on how to get her to stop this so Tom and I decided to switch her formula to gentle and it still hasn't helped. Before she would never spit-up ever and now it seems that is all she does. I also bought a can of the "Next-Step" formula to see if that might help (Haven't given it to her yet). I am running out of  ideas on what to do. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

When did everyone's child stop drinking formula? Hannah is 10 and 1/2 months old and she doesn't want her bottle any more. She will drink around four ounces in the morning but after that she will only drink one, two or three ounces every few hours during the day. I am telling myself she is full from her other foods but I know they are still supposed to be drinking formula so it makes me concerned. It seems like she decided on her own to be done with her formula.

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I  have lost Thirty Pounds!  *Pats self on back!* I am so excited! I have really been working hard at the Y. Even though I didn't go yesterday I plan on making it up today. Yesterday it was cold and snowing so I didn't want to have to bundle Hannah up so that I could go to the Y.  I stayed home and  enjoyed the last day of pretending to be a stay at home mom!  :lol: 

Well after three days off of work it is back to the grindstone, argh. Hope everyone had a lovely weekend!

Just Leave Me Alone!

I am so in that kind of mood this week.

It seems like every moment I am at work I am pulled in a thousand directions. Then I get home and enjoy Hannah and when she goes to bed I am ready to just lay in bed watching TV or reading a book until bed time rolls around.

I haven't exercised in a week due to schedule conflicts and Christmas thrown in for good measure and just when I think this week is going to go well I ran late at work-what would have been my first day back exercising. Needless to say I didn't exercise Monday.

I am hoping my trainer doesn't think I am ignoring her on purpose because I was on a roll and hope to continue my progress sometime-eventually this week. I have also decided I am going to join the Y! I am pretty excited for that and am really hoping my husband will agree to come as well! My mom is going to go with me so that will be super fun. She used to be a fitness fanatic in her younger years so I am interested to see if she becomes that way once again.

I have set my goal to lose a minimum of 80 pounds by next October. With really trying to lose over 100lbs but I don't want to feel too overwhelmed so I just keep telling myself 80lbs. I have high hopes this will work! I need to lose at a minimum 10lbs a month and will feel successful with my goal. Hopefully the world around me can offer there support and encouragement with my goal. I need to get this body to a healthier weight to carry a child again!

As a side note, I find this terribly ironic and insensitive all at the same time...we had secret santa at work and my santa gave me DOVE CHOCOLATES! WTH! and HOT CHOCOLATE! This person mind you knew full and well that I am exercising and eating healthier so why on earth would he give me candy!

Other than my unsually crappy mood, Christmas was a lot of fun! Hannah opened her presents herself and played with all of her toys! I was pretty impressed since a lot of people were telling me that this Christmas wouldn't be fun. I beg to differ.

My MIL said to me, "Next year will be a lot more fun, she will be more interested in her toys." Don't ask me where that comment came from because neither Tom nor I complained about Christmas not being "fun." Sometimes I think people just talk to hear themselves talk.

A friend acquaintance of mine has recently made several attempts to re-kindle our friendship and even though she was given my phone number and email two months ago, she just now sent me an email on 12-23. I thought it rather interesting because I have not spoken to her in close to five years, our friendship did not end on good terms and I was fine with it. When I stop a friendship it is justifiable and the fact that she turned super shady and never paid my mother back a substantial amount of money was all the reasoning I needed to stop seeing her. So any-who, she sent me an email about how sorry she is and how she thinks about me often...blah, blah, blah. At first I replied that what happened that long ago is not a big deal anymore, etc, etc...but the more I think about her the more annoyed I get. I have all the friends that I need and really don't want anymore. If I cut you off it was for good reason and I am really not looking to re-kindle our lost friendship. I have two best friends that I have never had a falling out with and that is all I want. I don't need any fair-weather friends. Thankfully I managed to rid myself of all of them and don't want them back. Is this mean of me? I kind of feel like I am being mean, unkind and unChristian. But I really just don't want to let people that have done me wrong in the past back into my world...maybe that is too much to ask?

I think I need a vacation, but for now I'll settle on venting on this blog. Thanks to anyone that actually made it to the bottom of this post, your comments are appreciated!

Christmas Budget Crisis?

I think Christmas has not been too terribly bad thus far, I am getting slightly concerned as it is super close and I still have four people to buy for. Thankfully I have not used a single credit card but I fear my luck will soon be changing...

We have had a hard year financially, we are keeping our heads above water and that's about the extent of it. Are mortgage has increased by almost half, our utilites have tripled and in the beginning of the year gas was astronomical! We also have a couple of medical bills left over from having Hannah. All in all it is manageable for now...

Then you throw in Christmas and my present giving is truly not going to match how I feel for the people receiving the gifts. I actually had to set a limit for how much my friends and I would spend on each other. We NEVER do that! EVER! Wouldn't you know I still keeping finding things that are above the limit I set for myself.

My husband is really getting slighted this year, I have a super awesome present I would like to get him but it won't be for Christmas. So now I am trying to come up with less expensive items to purchase when I really just want to get him the big item.

It's annoying and heart wrenching all at the same time. My heart is ready to go crazy with giving gifts and essentially giving joy. My wallet is saying "Help Me!"

Exercise

It's a necessary evil...

I decided yesterday that I didn't need to exercise anymore. Made up my mind and that was that. I finally wrote my trainer an email and of course she wrote me one back. So guess what I am still going to be doing, that's right...exercise!

It is really nice to know that a lot of people are supporting me with my fitness. When my co-workers heard me talking about it yesterday they piped up that I should keep going. I thought that was rather sweet. My parents and my friends are all very supportive but the one person that I need behind me isn't. Deep down I know that the guilt I feel from him constantly is what got in my head the most. My husband absolutely hates that I go and exercise and continually tells me that I don't need to go and that I am leaving my family, etc. I don't know why he acts like this considering he has lost over 100 pounds and I have only lost about 20 thus far. I clearly need to lose weight but he is a jerk about it.

I did reduce my workout schedule to three days a week. Hopefully I can keep going and Tom won't feel so neglected. I don't know you would think your husband would want you to lose weight.

Fat? Homely? Poor? Oh My!

Last Thursday as I wrapped up my shopping trip in Walmart accompanied by Hannie and my one of my BF's. I am getting rung up by the cashier and as she swipes my formula can she says:

Cashier: Do you have your WIC card?

Me: What?

C: If you have your WIC card you can get your formula for free.

Me: I make too much money to qualify for WIC.

C: Oh okay.

Later on as I am riding back to my friends house I got to thinking. Do I look poor? Then we both enjoyed a good laugh at that WTF moment in the Ghetto-Mart.

Next day, I went to have my blood work done for the Diabetes Center. Please note Diabetes Center.

Lab Tech: Why are you bouncing that baby?

Me: Just 'cause.

LT: Well stop it. If you keep doing that she won't understand the difference when you do it when she is upset.

She rambled on more about this topic and then stopped. Okay as unwanted as her advice is I can see her logic.

A few seconds later:

LT: Do you have diabetes?

Me: I had Type 2 before I was pregnant and now they are telling me that I am in a pre-diabetic state.

LT: That's weird, I have never heard of that

LT: Let me tell you a secret

Me: (Oh dear Lord what now) What's that

LT: Gastric bypass cures diabetes

Me: Oh (Thinking to myself no she didn't)

LT: My sister had it and girl let me tell you she is so skinny and she is a baby making machine!

Me: Good for her

LT: You should get it, insurance will pay for it just like that (snaps fingers)

Me: Oh, hmm (How freaking rude!)

LT: My sister she so fertile she had to terminate three of her pregnancies, she just kept getting pregnant and finally they told her she had to get her tubes tied.

Me: Mmm

What the heck! I do not want to hear about your sister's abortion, I do not want to hear about her diabetes and I don't want your skinny ass telling me to get Gastric Bypass! Mind your own business!

She also informed me that she knows how hard it is to lose weight because she has been trying very hard to lose ten pounds since last year and she just can't seem to do it. "She is just not movitvated enough to get up and exercise."

I wanted to tell her that is so sad for her it must be hard to be a size four and ten pounds over weight, how does she possibly manage to get out of bed every morning.

But I didn't and I never do say anything rude back to people even when they are rude to me. I guess my parents raised me better than that.

Nursing No More...

Last week I stopped pumping and nursing altogether. The baby was not wanting to nurse good ever since I went back to work, she seemed to become lazy and only wanted the bottle. Then when I pumped I got the most minuscule amount of milk, I used to get an ounce per boob then it got less and less. It was so low that last week when I would pump I only got about an eighth of an ounce. That's when I knew it was time to call it quits. As a result I have been really sad lately. Like, start crying for no apparent reason sad. I tried to tell Tom how I had been feeling today but he doesn't understand I guess. Gosh, even right now I'm starting to tear up.

I'm assuming that I am going through some hormonal change to add to the guilt of no longer breast feeding. I never thought it would be so hard. Everyone says you have no problem nursing and I think that is a bunch of crap. It rates right up there with having no problem getting pregnant! Ha!

I guess I better hit the hay, I have a long day of work ahead of me.

What Happened To My BABY?

Hannie is not a baby anymore, well she is, she just doesn't think so.

She wants to be held straight up you can not lay her down and hold her like a baby. She even tries to sit up and suck from the bottle!

She started rolling a few weeks ago and is now a rolly-caterpillar! This morning I went in her room to check on her and she was sleeping on her belly with her face buried in her crib mattress. Visions of suffocation flashed in my head until I touched her and she moved her legs, I think she is trying to give me a heart-attack!

We started giving her cereal in a bottle and we will attempt to feed her with a spoon tonight, this should prove interesting.

I took her bumper off the other day and she repeatedly got her leg stuck in the bars of her crib so I put the bumper back on. We were afraid she would smother on the bumper now that she rolls around like a wild woman but she could smother once she gets her leg caught just as easily in my opinion. So against Tom's wishes I put the bumper back on.

The poor little thing is teething she started that a few weeks ago. It started out not very noticeable but now she is constantly trying to chew something and drooling like crazy so hopefully we will see a tooth soon! I told my niece that baby Hannah was teething and she walked over and practically ripped her mouth off trying to look inside. I told her no, you can't do that, you might hurt her! She replied, Well I want to see it! Touche!

Must Not Fall Asleep

The baby has no clue what night and day is, for the most part she sleeps all the time. However, since Tom has returned to work on Monday she likes to stay awake, all night. Now anyone that knows me knows that Heather with no sleep is not a good combination.

 She literally did not sleep a wink all night, I think she had a sensor installed on me. As soon as I had her quieted down and what appeared to be sleeping, I would put her in her bassinet and climb into my bed. At exactly fifteen minutes into me laying in my bed she would start to whimper which then turned into crying, all night. I was really ready to shoot myself when 5:00 rolled around and she still had not gone to sleep for any real amount of time.  

I know this is all normal baby stuff but it is going to take me a little bit longer to adjust. I took a fairly long nap today so hopefully if she wants to fuss all night I won't have a nervous breakdown.

She went to the doctor's today and gained a little bit more weight, she is at 5.12. Not quite birth weight but getting there.

The Beginning of the Next Three Months

Today was my official last day at work! Wa-hoo!

I took four vacation days prior to the induction because I wanted to. I don't really have anything to do that I can think of. I might just straighten the house up a bit, hang out at the mall and finish up doctor's appointments. Good times! Once I have the baby I will be put on maternity leave and I don't have to go back to work for three months (12 weeks)! So far it seems strange. I have worked there for five years and have never been on a leave of absence or anything over two weeks at one time...This may take some getting used to.

I was actually a little sad when I left! As unbelievable as I thought that would be...I even got a little weepy in the car. The same thing happened last Friday when I went to the Diabetes doctor. When I left I had this overwhelming feeling of sadness...I guess it's that whole things coming to an end. I'm feeling much better (for) now.

Tomorrow will be my last ultrasound/bio-physical and we will find out how big the baby is! I made a bet with Tom that she will be 7.2 and of course he tried to price's-right me and make his bid at 7.4. He's a sneaky one. I'll probably be closer because the OB said she is about 7lbs. There probably won't be a good pic of her tomorrow. Now that her bones are hardening it creates dark shadows and makes it near impossible to get a clear picture.

I guess I'm done rambling now  :wink:

Ultrasound Day

What a fucking morning this has been.

It is my first day back after being out sick from work the past two days. Well as you all know Thursday is my weekly ultrasound. So I plan to go to the ultrasound,  have a look at the baby and then head back to work.

We start our appointment and everything is going good but the baby was extremely active more so than normal. Then the ultrasound chick checks the babies heart-rate and it is in the low 200's!  Well I immediately saw the concern on her face and just that time I hear Tom say, "That is kind of high isn't it?" Apparently I am blind because no where on the screen could I see the heart rate number. I asked what it was and the lady told me it was 198! I can feel the tears welling in my eyes but I tried to keep under control. The lady continues with the rest of the ultrasound and everything looks good...except the heart rate. So she says, "We might need to send you over to the hospital, I am going to go and look for the doctor and if he isn't in yet I will page him." Well all of this is starting to sound extremely urgent to me and as soon as the door closes I started to cry. I compose myself before she returns. She get back and tries to put a fetal monitor around my belly but the baby would not sit still long enough to get a good reading so I ended up being sent over to the office that is at the hospital. She didn't want to send me to triage for fear they would take too long. So Tom drives us  over there and I get all strapped in to the fetal monitor and we sit and watch. This child was going from 125 to 180 but eventually calmed down enough that we were allowed to leave.

The doctors didn't offer any reason for this mysterious heart rate craziness. It was all very upsetting. But we are both okay and she is doing well (as long as she doesn't have another baby freak out moment).

 Oooh, I almost forgot, she weighs 5lbs 2oz! YAY!

(No pictures today since we had the baby scare)