Last week I stopped pumping and nursing altogether. The baby was not wanting to nurse good ever since I went back to work, she seemed to become lazy and only wanted the bottle. Then when I pumped I got the most minuscule amount of milk, I used to get an ounce per boob then it got less and less. It was so low that last week when I would pump I only got about an eighth of an ounce. That's when I knew it was time to call it quits. As a result I have been really sad lately. Like, start crying for no apparent reason sad. I tried to tell Tom how I had been feeling today but he doesn't understand I guess. Gosh, even right now I'm starting to tear up.
I'm assuming that I am going through some hormonal change to add to the guilt of no longer breast feeding. I never thought it would be so hard. Everyone says you have no problem nursing and I think that is a bunch of crap. It rates right up there with having no problem getting pregnant! Ha!
I guess I better hit the hay, I have a long day of work ahead of me.
You gave the little muffin a great start so many mother's don't. It is terribly hard to work and nurse. I hope you see what you have done so far to give her a good start as a wonderful thing, one of a million things you will do for her as she grows. Please don't be sad- nursing is only one of those million things! She is a marvel and you are doing an incredible job raising her. She is so filled with love for you- cherish that. I love you.
ReplyDeleteHey girl - Every story is different and you have to know that when you do what is best for you and your family, that you are doing what is best for your little girl! It's safe to assume that you are still meeting all her nutritional needs, that you are still covering her with kisses, cooing her name, providing her shelter and safety and helping her reach all those developmental milestones by stimulating her? You will, as time goes on, realize that being a mom goes WAY beyond nursing and that you are doing a great job!!! Enjoy the freedom from the pump and drop me an email if you need some support - I only nursed my little girl for a week in favor of a sane mommy!
ReplyDeleteI know its hard but NO GUILT! You gave it your best and while I strongly believe its the best start for our babies the fact remains it is one small part of motherhood. Make sure you allow yourself special snuggle time so you still feel close to your little one in a special way - she isnt missing the milk and soon your blues will fade.
ReplyDeleteI know it's hard to give that up. I'm still pumping, but will stop in a few months. You did a great job, so no guilt!!
ReplyDeleteYou did what you could while you could, don't be so hard on yourself. Like everyone else is saying, there are so many other more important things that your are/can do for her, that this will dissapear into oblivion. Love you bunches!
ReplyDelete"Last week I stopped pumping and nursing altogether. "
ReplyDeleteYeah, I stopped when my daughter turned 2. ;-)
Oh my... even after decades, your post brings me back to my nursing days with Audrey and Jane. Audrey was 5 weeks premature (this is 30+ years ago), and oh-how-I-tired to nurse her. The nurses were encouraging, my husband was encouraging, and I so wanted to have those important nutrients and antibodies in her tiny little body. But she would not latch... and that was that. When Jane came along 2.5 years later, she latched on at first try... and she nursed for 3 years. Yes, 3 years. I loved nursing Jane... but I know that my snuggles and physical closeness with Audrey were so important too. Even when feeding my grandchildren, I always snuggle them so close and let them hear my heart.
ReplyDeleteLet yourself feel sad. Let a little guilt creep in. These are such normal feelings. But also know that in the end... your love and care and heart are more important than any breast milk or formula!!
Take it from me!!!!
you are a mom and you know what is best for your baby. Don't let the lactation Nazis get you down.
ReplyDeleteDon't you just love it when husbands are sooo understanding? ;-) And I'm so sorry you're feeling guilt and sadness about stopping breastfeeding. I can't say I know how you feel, obviously, but I can tell you that you are an amazing mother and YOU know what is best for you and that beautiful little girl of yours. Hugs!!!
ReplyDeleteJane
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI'm experiencing the same things you went through, but I don't have the excuse of going back to work. I'm a stay at home mom, with four other kids that I've nursed successfully, but this little girl is getting the short end of the stick, I guess. I just don't have any milk any more, and I try and try to express and pump and pump some more, but there's nothing. I brew Mother's milk herbal tea and guzzle it all day, but there's just not enough to satisfy her. She doesn't suck enough after it peters out to bring in more for next time, and even if I do get enough breastmilk in her to constitute a meal, she seems to spit it all up within minutes. It is SOOOO frustrating. I've never had problems in the past with making enough milk, so I'm just at my wits end. I feel like a failure with this one, because I know that I have done it fine in the past. I've always kindof thought of myself as a "polite" nipple nazi. I never said anything against the formula feeding my friends or relatives did, but I always knew that I would never do it myself. I know too well how much better mother's milk is for my babies and it goes against everything I feel is right to give in to the powder-pushers. That being said, I feel worse than ever, because today I decided that my little one, who is six months old now, (I shouldn't be having such grief about this!) needs to stop having to fight for her supper. The past two nights, she nurses fitfully, while I'm trying to express milk in to her mouth, and we both give up in tears, because there isn't even a drop that I can get out for her. AND I KNOW WHERE IT SHOULD BE!! I'm just so sad. So, I've gone and made her a bottle. I don't have any formula, so I've just mixed plain yogurt, with aloe juice, water and a little sweetener, not too much. I shake it up, warm it, and give it to her. She loves it. She inhales it. She doesn't spit up. She's so cheerful and smiley. She sleeps so well. And I'm still so sad.
I feel like part of me is going to die. Like it already has. Is it better on the other side?? Please forgive me for power-dumping all of this on you, but thanks also, for letting me get it out of my head.